NFL Divisional Finals Preview and Predictions: By Kyle Balfour

NFL Week 9 Review:
By Stuart Tomlin

Another week, another def…wait, we actually won this week?

Boss.

This might be a slightly happier review than usual, then.

Another week in the NFL gone and we’re past the midway point in the season. It’s starting to shape up who’s in the mix for the Lombardi this year, and who isn’t. But, we’ve still got a few more weeks where teams can seal their spots in the playoffs, or blow it in absolutely hilarious fashion. I can think of a few teams that will fall into that latter category.

Going into the week I had a three point lead over Kyle, with myself sitting at 70-49, and Kyle at 67-52. Let’s see how that gap closes, or widens this week. Probably the former. Preferably the latter.

Let’s get on with it, shall we?

New York Jets v. Buffalo Bills
MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Stuart Said: Bills (0-1)
Kyle Said: Bills (0-1)
Actual Result: Jets 34-21 Bills

God damn it Bills, I start to hype you up for the playoffs and then you do this. I mean, it’s the biggest chance you’ve had to make the playoffs for years and finally break that streak, stop fucking it up! To be fair to the Jets they were full value for this win, even when the Bills decided to start a comeback and nearly threaten to make this a game towards the end. I mean, wouldn’t it have been great if the Jets blew this game in hilarious fashion, because Jets? Unfortunately, that narrative was not meant to be this time. Buffalo, you need to stop losing games like this if you’re gonna make the playoffs. Jets, you’ve also not lived up to the narrative. That’s a good thing. Well done you. Enjoy your eight win season.

New Orleans Saints v. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Stuart Said: Saints (1-1)
Kyle Said: Saints (1-1)
Actual Result: Saints 30-10 Buccaneers

The Saints are starting to win games on a regular basis. What is this, 2009? I mean, what a team that 2009 Saints team was. This isn’t quite the 2009 team, but they’re playing some good football at the moment, especially defensively, which is a massive surprise, seeing as before this season the defence was an absolute binfire for years. The Buccaneers have been one of the year’s biggest disappointments, and are getting better at fighting than they are at playing football. I mean, Mike Evans, points for absolutely pissboiling the Saints with that cheapshot but you’ve gotten yourself suspended and are gonna miss next week, which isn’t great news for my fantasy team. Fantastic. Winston is still throwing a ridiculous amount of turnovers, too. Tampa Bay, welcome to the tank.

Carolina Panthers v. Atlanta Falcons
Bank of America Stadium, Charlotte, North Carolina

Stuart Said: Falcons (1-2)
Kyle Said: Falcons (1-2)
Actual Result: Panthers 20-17 Falcons

The 2017 Carolina Panthers: completely destroying picks and predictions everywhere. I mean, can’t you just win when I pick you to win, or lose when I pick you to lose? Tell you what, just for this, I’m gonna pick you to win next week. As for this week, this was a close run game where the Falcons keep choking away wins, yet again. AGAIN. Julio Jones had a rare butterfingers game, and the Falcons blew yet another lead which lead to the Panthers winning by a field goal. If you’re not careful Falcons you might end up firing your head coach as of this season, and that would be disastrous. I mean he took you to the Super Bowl last season. I know you blew it in spectacular fashion, but still. Panthers, Keep Pounding. And for once can you actually do what I expect you to do next week? Please?

New York Giants v. Los Angeles Rams
MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Stuart Said: Rams (2-2)
Kyle Said: Rams (2-2)
Actual Result: Giants 17-51 Rams

Oh my God this was an absolute bloodbath. The Rams made the Giants into their bitch and then some. A complete and utter annihilation of a game where the NFL’s number one scoring offence, the RAMS, put up a fiftyburger on the Giants. AT THE METLIFE. The Giants have been an absolute dumpster fire this season and they look like they’re heading for a top five pick this season. The Rams have gone from the worst scoring offence last year to the best scoring offence so far this year, and have scored more points this season already than they did in the entirety of last year. Imagine the fact that firing Jeff Fisher would massively improve your team. IMAGINE THAT. Jared Goff has been great this year, Sammy Watkins has been a revelation since moving from Buffalo and Todd Gurley III has revived from a poor sophomore season to become a viable MVP candidate. The Rams might actually be in with a shout of winning the NFC this year. Incredible. Return of the Greatest Show on Turf? Too early to say, but this is the best the Rams have been since a certain Kurt Warner. Met him earlier this year. Lovely guy.

Tennessee Titans v. Baltimore Ravens
LP Field, Nashville, Tennessee
Stuart Said: Ravens (2-3)
Kyle Said: Ravens (2-3)
Actual Result: Titans 23-20 Ravens

I think I can take advantage of Twitter’s new 280 character limit here.

WHY DO I KEEP HYPING UP THE RAVENS WHY DO I KEEP HYPING UP THE RAVENS WHY DO I KEEP HYPING UP THE RAVENS

Ahem, anyway, the Ravens can still make the playoffs this year, but they keep shooting themselves in the foot with games like these, and offensive performances like this. They tried the late comeback, then quickly realised that they are in fact not the Detroit Lions and that was not going to happen. Flacco finally got going in the fourth quarter but it wasn’t enough. The Titans haven’t been great this season, but with the Colts and Texans falling to absolute bits this year, the Titans might sneak into the playoffs if they can get past Jacksonville…Sacksonville…I hate this season for giving birth to that name alone. It’s a sad time for the AFC South.

Jacksonville Jaguars v. Cincinnati Bengals
Everbank Field, Jacksonville, Florida
Stuart Said: Jaguars (3-3)
Kyle Said: Jaguars (3-3)
Actual Result: Jaguars 23-7 Bengals

Speaking of Sacksonville – again, I hate that fucking name – they absolutely ripped the Bengals to shreds. Now, the latter part of that sentence doesn’t surprise me, but the former part – the fact it’s Jacksonville ripping teams to shreds – will never not bemuse and confuse the living fuck out of me. The Jags however deserve to be where they are this year – after many years of being the AFC South’s doormat, they’ve finally figured out how to put their defence together and are having one hell of a season. Also, Jalen Ramsey and AJ Green had a scrap that saw them both thrown out of the game, and made this match-up a hell of a lot more entertaining than the scoreline. NFL Fight Week continues on here.

Oh, and Andy Dalton sucked again. Standard.

Philadelphia Eagles v. Denver Broncos
Lincoln Financial Field, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Stuart Said: Eagles (4-3)
Kyle Said: Eagles (4-3)
Actual Result: Eagles 51-23 Broncos

The Eagles juggernaut rolls on as they absolutely annihilated the Broncos and Brock Osweiler – yes, Brock Osweiler started a game for the Broncos in 2017, because this is the Upside Down – and Carson Wentz continues his march to a potential MVP season. The Eagles have been nothing short of phenomenal this year, and now they have an explosive running game with Jay Ajayi scoring a touchdown on his first play as an Eagle. This could well be a Super Bowl season for the Eagles. Meanwhile the Broncos struggled offensively, and really need another option at Quarterback. I mean, remember when they offered Osweiler all of the money to stay and he went to Houston? And then Cleveland? And now Cleveland are pretty much paying him to play for Denver? What a time. They also struggled defensively because the Eagles absolutely leathered them six ways from Sunday. They’ll be glad they only have to play them once every four years. I am glad about that too, to be fair, right now.

Houston Texans v. Indianapolis Colts
NRG Stadium, Houston, Texas
Stuart Said: Colts (5-3)
Kyle Said: Texans (4-4)
Actual Result: Texans 14-20 Colts

It’s nice that we decided to pause the tank in order to completely ruin the Texans’ season for them. Well, that, and the season-ending injury for Deshaun Watson. Enjoy that World Series win, Houston. You’re not adding a Super Bowl title to that this season. Speaking of season ending injuries, we lost two more in Vontae Davis, who we have now released – more on that next week – and Henry Anderson. So, we’re pretty much down to bare bones. Start up the tank again. We nearly fucking blew this game at the end – once again, this season - and then managed to strip sack Tom Savage on fourth down to hold on for victory. Also, the Texans still have absolutely no idea how to defend TY Hilton and he torched them in Houston once again. Massively pleasing. Remember when some Colts fans wanted us to trade him at the deadline? For fuck’s sake.

Is it the 2018 season yet?

Seattle Seahawks v. Washington Redskins
CenturyLink Field, Seattle, Washington
Stuart Said: Seahawks (5-4)
Kyle Said: Seahawks (4-5)
Actual Result: Seahawks 14-17 Redskins

Remember when CenturyLink Field was a fortress? Those were the days. The Washington derby very much went not how I expected it to – “Meanwhile, the Seahawks will take Washington to bits. The team, not the state.” – Fantastic prediction, Stuart. The Seahawks were pretty dreadful offensively in this game, blowing the good performance by the defence, and the Washington Washingtons capitalised. And Blair Walsh missed pretty much all the field goals. Three fucking field goal missed in one game. I mean, Blair Walsh missing critical field goals at CenturyLink Field? I’m sure I’ve seen this story before. Washington got a vital victory in the race for the NFC E…I mean, who am I kidding, they’re not catching the Eagles. They might have a shot at a wildcard, but more than likely they’re heading for the heady heights of .500. What a time to be alive. Have fun negotiating Kirk Cousins’ extension at long last. You can’t franchise tag him three years in a row, lads. Good luck with that!

San Francisco 49ers v. Arizona Cardinals
Levi’s Stadium, Santa Clara, California
Stuart Said: 49ers (5-5)
Kyle Said: 49ers (4-6)
Actual Result: 49ers 10-20 Cardinals

HAHAHAHAHAHA I actually picked the Niners this week

And then I put them on my bet

HAHAHAHAH for fuck’s sake

To be fair, I thought Jimmy Garappolo would be starting for the Niners this week.

Jimmy Garappolo did not start for the Niners this week.

Instead CJ Beathard started and it’s maybe just as well for the future of the Niners’ future that they didn’t start Jimmy G, as the offensive line fell to bits and Beathard took an absolute beating. Meanwhile, the Cardinals meander to another victory with Adrian Peterson being impressive once again. I mean, giving him number one RB duties isn’t a bad idea. New Orleans, you could have probably used that idea. David Johnson isn’t coming back this year, so Peterson isn’t a bad option to have instead right now.

Dallas Cowboys v. Kansas City Chiefs
AT&T Stadium, Arlington, Texas
Stuart Said: Chiefs (5-6)
Kyle Said: Chiefs (4-7)
Actual Result: Cowboys 25-17 Chiefs

Ezekiel Elliott played this game due to an injunction that overturned his six-game suspension. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

The NFL’s answer to Groundhog Day continued on as Elliott’s suspension was put on hold once again and he played against the Chiefs, and because he’s Ezekiel Elliott, he played pretty damn well. The Cowboys used that and got an impressive victory over a game Chiefs team. The Chiefs, if they’re going to go far in January, need to stop blowing games like this. Alex Smith’s best season ever needs to result in something, surely. I know I say this every week but it still amazes me that this is the case. Funny how adding a quarterback of the future can inspire your current quarterback to up his game, huh? However this time Dak won out and the Cowboys got a much needed win.

And literally as I type this, he’s been suspended once again. Expect that to be overturned tomorrow.

Miami Dolphins v. Oakland Raiders
Hard Rock Stadium, Miami Gardens, Florida
Stuart Said: Raiders (6-6)
Kyle Said: Raiders (5-7)
Actual Result: Dolphins 24-27 Raiders

A close and quite enjoyable game saw the Raiders narrowly take victory over the Dolphins. The Raiders forced Jay Cutler to throw the ball, and without Jay Ajayi, now an Eagle, turns out the Dolphins no longer have a running game. And Jay Cutler being forced to throw the ball regularly normally ends quite badly, but this time round he didn’t even throw any interceptions. I…I don’t honestly know how to feel about that. Despite Cutler being quite good this week, the Raiders held out for a win in their quest to try and overhaul the Chiefs in the AFC West, or at least sneak into one of the playoff spots. One of these two teams will probably make the playoffs because of the AFC being weak as all hell. What a time to be alive.

Green Bay Packers v. Detroit Lions
Lambeau Field, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Stuart Said: Lions (7-6)
Kyle Said: Lions (6-7)
Actual Result: Packers 17-30 Lions

Congratulations Lions, you finally beat the Packers at Lambeau. All it took was Aaron Rodgers being out for the season to do it. Well done, you. The Packers struggled once again with Brett Hundley under centre, but still kept it close, until the Lions scored a last second touchdown to pad the scoring. I mean, the Lions just had to score a last second touchdown because Fourth Quarter Lions. There’s an irony in this because it’s usually the Lions conceding a last second touchdown to an Aaron Rodgers Hail Mary. As mentioned before, we’re very much in the Upside Down. The Lions and the Vikings look like the two battling for the NFC North, while the Packers might have their first top ten pick in about twenty years. In fact, they haven’t picked in the top twenty since 1999. A truly amazing statistic.

Well, that’ll do it for another week, but here’s a look at the prediction standings for this week:

Stuart: 7-6
Kyle: 6-7

And that means so far for the season:

Stuart: 77-55
Kyle: 73-59

Hey, it was the latter! The gap widened!

It’s been a good week for me. The Colts won, Everton had a hell of a comeback that I saw live, and I watched four WWE events which culminated in me seeing AJ Styles win the WWE Championship live in the arena. What a sensational week.

Let’s hope for another sensational week next week.

Go Colts!