NFL Week 9 Review: By Kyle Balfour
Oh, hello there! Certainly been a while, hasn't it?
So yeah, this review is definitely long overdue, and by no means that much relevant. Still, it's good to document and I'll be damned if we miss a week in some form or the other! So enough with excuse making on my part, let's dive right into themuch anticipated Week 9 review of the NFL!
It's criminally outdated, but prediction scores sit at 67-52 for myself and Tomlin at 70-49 heading into this week. Big time spoilers this week was terrible for both of us predictions wise (an odd number of games made me below 50%...) and Tomlin squeaked out to lead 77-55 to my 73-59.
New York Jets vs. Buffalo Bills
MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Actual Result: Jets 34-24 Bills
Kyle Said: Bills (0-1)
Stuart Said: Bills (0-1)
They win when I want them to lose, they lose when I want them to win...wait, which team am I talking about here?
Both of these teams have been disappointing/frustrating to watch and to root for, and that's just from my neutral perspective...I'd hate to imagine what both fandoms must feel like right now. Though upon inspection: both teams do have good home records, and rather upsetting away records. So I guess you could say the winner of this matchup is whoever's playing at home...and lo, the prophecy was fulfilled!
The Jets played well, and the Bills regressed severely. When Tyrod Taylor runs for more than your touted LeSean McCoy, it's a sure sign that your O-line took lessons from the Giants. Meanwhile, old man Matt Forte trampled over you like an aged elephant. It's a murky situation for both teams right now. Both are definitely past the point of a full on tank, though Bills are still 2nd in the division by miracle of the Dolphins falling apart, yet the Jets are only 1 win away from tying them. Better take the lead while you still can.
As for the Jets: while all signs for the future of the franchise point towards a tank, I suppose the players and coaches themselves have other plans. Tanking doesn't really do much for individual stats, nor reputation. While this may secure them extensions, renewed contracts, etc., and I definitely get why they'd do this, what I don't see is this anomaly being recreated.
Carolina Panthers vs. Atlanta Falcons
Bank of America Stadium, Charlotte, North Carolina
Actual Result: Panthers 20-17 Falcons
Kyle Said: Falcons (0-2)
Stuart Said: Falcons (0-2)
Why did you even draft Christian McCaffrey when Cam Newton will just do it himself? Just like Taylor, when Cam runs, it's because the O-line has fallen apart, but unlike Taylor, this happens a lot to Newton, and he can usually make something of it. So an inept Falcons defence, complete with underachieving offence (Julio Jones dropping the easiest touchdown of his fucking career, anyone?) lead to much worse than a blown lead. Now the Panthers are returning to form, while the Falcons remain is a very mediocre 4-4.
Houston Texans vs. Indianapolis Colts
NRG STadium, Houston, Texas
Actual Result: Texans 14-20 Colts
Kyle Said: Texans (0-3)
Stuart Said: Colts (1-2)
Bad Colts! That is not how the tank works!
That said, it was hard to A: look impressive; and B: lose the game against a completely wilted Texans who just lost their promising rookie QB for the season. Had I known ahead of the game that Deshaun Watson's season would come to sudden stop, I probably would've edged the Colts out to take this one. They may be bad this season, but they're still relatively healthy outside of missing Andrew Luck.
So now the Texans have a murky situation on their hands. Unless they can bring someone in, their season may be over. The AFC South is now a race between the Titans and the Jaguars (and who's to say that not both make it through virtue of wild card status? If this pace continues, they should definitely both be in), so the Texans desperately need to bring in firepower to stay competitive. Tom Savage is not the saviour you need.
Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Cincinnati Bengals
EverBank Field, Jacksonville, Florida
Actual Result: Jaguars 23-7 Bengals
Kyle Said: Jags (1-3)
Stuart: Jags (2-2)
We interrupt your coincidentally scheduled cat themed football game for an actual cat fight. A.J. Green choke holding like a total boss on Jalen Ramsey. Too bad this is the NFL and he was promptly shown the door.
Just like Green, the Jaguars then proceeded to show the Bengals the door by near enough shutting it entirely on them. The Bengals defence couldn't muster anything to stop the Jaguars, and the Jags have already tied their total win streaks already compared to the 2015 and 2011 seasons. Will this 'sacksonville' rampage continue?
New Orleans Saints vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans, Missouri
Actual Result:Saints 30-10 Buccaneers
Kyle Said: Saints (2-3)
Stuart Said: Saints (3-2)
It must be stated out loud that the Saints are exceeding every single expectation this season. Who knew that trading away Brandin Cooks wouldn't impact the season too badly. An admirable win over a hobbling Bucs team puts them at a very impressive 6-2, and an even more impressive 6 game win streak.
As for the Bucs, well injuries are starting to get at Jameis Winston, and he has regressed considerably. Sadly, I find it to be him that is costing this team. So just go and replace him with Ryan Fitz-ception-patrick. Nope, nothing wrong there...
Oh yeah, and another brawl-esque event happened in this game also as Mike Evans (talented piece of shit, that he is) cheap shots an unsuspecting Marshon Lattimore. No, he was not ejected, but he is suspended for the next game against the Jets. Oops.
New York Giants vs. Los Angeles Rams
MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Actual Result: Giants 17-51 Rams
Kyle Said: Rams (3-3)
Stuart Said: Rams (4-2)
...Get the booze.
That was painful, despite being fully expected, in my opinion. The Rams are emulating their Superbowl season from 1999, and this game was no different for me. In my heart, it's the Giants all the way, but in my back pocket for a game like this, it's the fucking Rams. That's not treachery, that's just being wise.
It was exactly as expected. The Rams toyed, trampled, and disassembled anything the Giants could muster. The injuries continue to pile on for the Giants with defensive and offensive linemen coming and going, re-signing practice squad members, it's just fucking pitiful at this point. Least Evan Ingram's proving himself to be potentially excellent. Then again, I said the same thing about Will Tye...
Philadelphia Eagles vs. Denver Broncos
Lincoln Financial Field, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Actual Result: Eagles 51-23 Broncos
Kyle Said: Eagles (4-3)
Stuart Said: Eagles (5-2)
Nothing like a divisional rival smacking the shit out of another team just as badly as your team was...
The Eagles looked the most impressive I've seen in a good fucking while. They absolutely torched the Broncos, who continue to suffer with quarterback issues. Remember the drought of quarterbacks Denver endured between John Elway retiring and signing Peyton Manning? I didn't, because I had to look it up, and my god some of the players during that drought are a sight to behold (pre-Bears Jay Cutler, anyone?). The Broncos playoff chances are fading fast, as they now stare into the basement of their division with their Chargers brethren. Better fix that QB situation fast, and I mean fast!
Tennessee Titans vs. Baltimore Ravens
Nissan Stadium, Nashville, Tennessee
Actual Result: Titans 23-20 Ravens
Kyle Said: Ravens (4-4)
Stuart Said: Ravens (5-3)
Too little, too late for the Ravens. Despite Flacco slinging out throws like a tennis ball machine, only 2/3's were accounted for, while the rest comprised of 2 very costly interceptions, which allowed this 'gritting through their teeth' Titans squad to win the game. That's about it in terms of what to say about this game.
The Ravens playoff chances are dwindling, despite being 2nd in the AFC North, but wild card you are not. Meanwhile, if the Titans are able to keep up with the Jaguars, they may achieve the underdog wild card success they are hoping for.
San Francisco 49ers vs. Arizona Cardinals
Levi's Stadium, Santa Clara, California
Actual Result: 49ers 10-20 Cardinals
Kyle Said: 49ers (4-5)
Stuart Said: 49ers (5-4)
Previously on NFL Trades:
The San Francisco 49ers trade a 2nd round pick (and possibly Brian Hoyer unofficially, or with the intent of releasing him anyway) to the New England Patriots for backup quarterback (and most handsome man in the NFL) Jimmy Garoppolo.
So there may be hope for the 49ers in the future. Not for now, anyway. They're keeping their new acquisition until he's ready. For now, tank the fuck on! Send out your third round draft pick backup C.J. Beathard instead so that Jimmy doesn't have to.
Adrian Peterson had an absolute field day against the Niners as he proceeded to dominate the field, and Drew Staton was serviceable.
It's hard to be the Cardinals right now: Seattle's pushing desperately for a wild card since they're sure as shit not catching the Rams at this rate, whilst the Niners are pretty much on their way to a top 3 draft pick. Stuck in the middle is the perfect term, and whether you push on or tank hard, it will probably yield the same results. Sucks.
Seattle Seahawks vs. Washington Redskins
CenturyLink Field, Seattle, Washington
Actual Result: Seahawks 14-17 Redskins
Kyle Said: Seahawks (4-6)
Stuart Said: Seahawks (5-5)
Seahawks, that was just embarrassing. You start things off right with a safety to set the tone, then proceed to do absolutely fucking nothing until the very last quarter, when you've already played yourselves with 2 very costly interceptions, and Blair Walsh kicks the game away like he did when you faced the Vikings a few playoffs ago. How's it feel to be on the receiving end this time? Not only that, you decide you can't risk him blowing another chance, least he himself gets kicked into the Pacific, attempt the 2 pointer, and fail both times. Impotence would only begin to define the preferable term of such a display.
Dallas Cowboys vs. Kansas City Chiefs
AT&T Stadium, Arlington, Texas
Actual Result: Cowboys 28-17 Chiefs
Kyle Said: Chiefs (4-7)
Stuart Said: Chiefs (5-6)
Ok, so heads: he plays; tails: he's suspended. Cool?
*flips coin*
Heads it is, then! He plays!
This is the only plausible method I can think of how people can handle this Ezekiel Elliot suspension farce.
Luckily for Zeke and the Cowboys, they had their prized running back for this game, and hungry he was for yards. Cole Beasley also had a heck of a night for himself, with 2 touchdown catches.
Outside of a certain play that made the Cowboys defence look like what happens when your controller dies and all your players just stop moving, the Chiefs just look rather pedestrian by comparison. Alex Smith was fine, as was his wide variety of aerial targets, but the running game couldn't compare.
Tune in next week for another exciting coin flip for whether or not Zeke is suspended!
Miami Dolphins vs. Oakland Raiders
Hard Rock Stadium, Miami, Florida
Actual Result: Dolphins 24-27 Raiders
Kyle Said: Raiders (5-7)
Stuart Said: Raiders (6-6)
So Jay Cutler has returned, and looked actually good against the struggling Raiders defence. Then again, Derek Carr looked good against the struggling Dolphins defence...We're in for once of those games aren't we?
Just like a 12th round of boxing, it was just tired blow for tired blow. Both defences fell by the wayside and allowed all available offence to just roll with it! If that's your style, then this was a pretty decent game, but otherwise, both teams are just looking exhausted. The Raiders may not catch the Chiefs (despite the Chiefs skidding a little as of late), and will need some serious wins if they want to secure a wild card. Meanwhile, the Dolphins appear to be dissolving from the inside, what with their former offensive coordinator being a coke head, trading prized running back Jay Ajayi to the red hot Eagles for the equivalent of half a KitKat, it's not looking pretty down in Miami...
Green Bay Packers vs. Detroit Lions
Lambeau Field, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Actual Result: Packers 17-30 Lions
Kyle Said: Lions (6-7)
Stuart Said: Lions (7-6)
So for only the second time since December 15th, 1991 (one day after I was born!), the Detriot Lions defeat the Green Bay Packers at Lambeau Field. The New York Giants have made the Superbowl more times since then...
This played out exactly how I knew it would. The wounds of Aaron Rodgers' injury were still very fresh, which primed the senses of the Lions and allowed them to capitalise. Brett Hundley looked impressive, but sadly the offence couldn't really go anywhere until the 4th quarter, but much like the Ravens, the Lions had already etched out a margin, rendering it too little, too late.
There! Week 9 is now in the bag! Let's check out those tallies!
Kyle: 73-59
Stuart: 77-55
By all accounts, another bad week for us predictions wise, but hopefully we'll bounce back next week (*spoiler* we do). Man, I love ruining all pretence of tension in these predictions!
Thanks for reading, and hope to see you for our next review of Week 10!
Thanks!
Kyle
So yeah, this review is definitely long overdue, and by no means that much relevant. Still, it's good to document and I'll be damned if we miss a week in some form or the other! So enough with excuse making on my part, let's dive right into the
It's criminally outdated, but prediction scores sit at 67-52 for myself and Tomlin at 70-49 heading into this week. Big time spoilers this week was terrible for both of us predictions wise (an odd number of games made me below 50%...) and Tomlin squeaked out to lead 77-55 to my 73-59.
New York Jets vs. Buffalo Bills
MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Actual Result: Jets 34-24 Bills
Kyle Said: Bills (0-1)
Stuart Said: Bills (0-1)
They win when I want them to lose, they lose when I want them to win...wait, which team am I talking about here?
Both of these teams have been disappointing/frustrating to watch and to root for, and that's just from my neutral perspective...I'd hate to imagine what both fandoms must feel like right now. Though upon inspection: both teams do have good home records, and rather upsetting away records. So I guess you could say the winner of this matchup is whoever's playing at home...and lo, the prophecy was fulfilled!
The Jets played well, and the Bills regressed severely. When Tyrod Taylor runs for more than your touted LeSean McCoy, it's a sure sign that your O-line took lessons from the Giants. Meanwhile, old man Matt Forte trampled over you like an aged elephant. It's a murky situation for both teams right now. Both are definitely past the point of a full on tank, though Bills are still 2nd in the division by miracle of the Dolphins falling apart, yet the Jets are only 1 win away from tying them. Better take the lead while you still can.
As for the Jets: while all signs for the future of the franchise point towards a tank, I suppose the players and coaches themselves have other plans. Tanking doesn't really do much for individual stats, nor reputation. While this may secure them extensions, renewed contracts, etc., and I definitely get why they'd do this, what I don't see is this anomaly being recreated.
Carolina Panthers vs. Atlanta Falcons
Bank of America Stadium, Charlotte, North Carolina
Actual Result: Panthers 20-17 Falcons
Kyle Said: Falcons (0-2)
Stuart Said: Falcons (0-2)
Why did you even draft Christian McCaffrey when Cam Newton will just do it himself? Just like Taylor, when Cam runs, it's because the O-line has fallen apart, but unlike Taylor, this happens a lot to Newton, and he can usually make something of it. So an inept Falcons defence, complete with underachieving offence (Julio Jones dropping the easiest touchdown of his fucking career, anyone?) lead to much worse than a blown lead. Now the Panthers are returning to form, while the Falcons remain is a very mediocre 4-4.
Houston Texans vs. Indianapolis Colts
NRG STadium, Houston, Texas
Actual Result: Texans 14-20 Colts
Kyle Said: Texans (0-3)
Stuart Said: Colts (1-2)
Bad Colts! That is not how the tank works!
That said, it was hard to A: look impressive; and B: lose the game against a completely wilted Texans who just lost their promising rookie QB for the season. Had I known ahead of the game that Deshaun Watson's season would come to sudden stop, I probably would've edged the Colts out to take this one. They may be bad this season, but they're still relatively healthy outside of missing Andrew Luck.
So now the Texans have a murky situation on their hands. Unless they can bring someone in, their season may be over. The AFC South is now a race between the Titans and the Jaguars (and who's to say that not both make it through virtue of wild card status? If this pace continues, they should definitely both be in), so the Texans desperately need to bring in firepower to stay competitive. Tom Savage is not the saviour you need.
Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Cincinnati Bengals
EverBank Field, Jacksonville, Florida
Actual Result: Jaguars 23-7 Bengals
Kyle Said: Jags (1-3)
Stuart: Jags (2-2)
We interrupt your coincidentally scheduled cat themed football game for an actual cat fight. A.J. Green choke holding like a total boss on Jalen Ramsey. Too bad this is the NFL and he was promptly shown the door.
Just like Green, the Jaguars then proceeded to show the Bengals the door by near enough shutting it entirely on them. The Bengals defence couldn't muster anything to stop the Jaguars, and the Jags have already tied their total win streaks already compared to the 2015 and 2011 seasons. Will this 'sacksonville' rampage continue?
New Orleans Saints vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans, Missouri
Actual Result:Saints 30-10 Buccaneers
Kyle Said: Saints (2-3)
Stuart Said: Saints (3-2)
It must be stated out loud that the Saints are exceeding every single expectation this season. Who knew that trading away Brandin Cooks wouldn't impact the season too badly. An admirable win over a hobbling Bucs team puts them at a very impressive 6-2, and an even more impressive 6 game win streak.
As for the Bucs, well injuries are starting to get at Jameis Winston, and he has regressed considerably. Sadly, I find it to be him that is costing this team. So just go and replace him with Ryan Fitz-ception-patrick. Nope, nothing wrong there...
Oh yeah, and another brawl-esque event happened in this game also as Mike Evans (talented piece of shit, that he is) cheap shots an unsuspecting Marshon Lattimore. No, he was not ejected, but he is suspended for the next game against the Jets. Oops.
New York Giants vs. Los Angeles Rams
MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Actual Result: Giants 17-51 Rams
Kyle Said: Rams (3-3)
Stuart Said: Rams (4-2)
...Get the booze.
That was painful, despite being fully expected, in my opinion. The Rams are emulating their Superbowl season from 1999, and this game was no different for me. In my heart, it's the Giants all the way, but in my back pocket for a game like this, it's the fucking Rams. That's not treachery, that's just being wise.
It was exactly as expected. The Rams toyed, trampled, and disassembled anything the Giants could muster. The injuries continue to pile on for the Giants with defensive and offensive linemen coming and going, re-signing practice squad members, it's just fucking pitiful at this point. Least Evan Ingram's proving himself to be potentially excellent. Then again, I said the same thing about Will Tye...
Philadelphia Eagles vs. Denver Broncos
Lincoln Financial Field, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Actual Result: Eagles 51-23 Broncos
Kyle Said: Eagles (4-3)
Stuart Said: Eagles (5-2)
Nothing like a divisional rival smacking the shit out of another team just as badly as your team was...
The Eagles looked the most impressive I've seen in a good fucking while. They absolutely torched the Broncos, who continue to suffer with quarterback issues. Remember the drought of quarterbacks Denver endured between John Elway retiring and signing Peyton Manning? I didn't, because I had to look it up, and my god some of the players during that drought are a sight to behold (pre-Bears Jay Cutler, anyone?). The Broncos playoff chances are fading fast, as they now stare into the basement of their division with their Chargers brethren. Better fix that QB situation fast, and I mean fast!
Tennessee Titans vs. Baltimore Ravens
Nissan Stadium, Nashville, Tennessee
Actual Result: Titans 23-20 Ravens
Kyle Said: Ravens (4-4)
Stuart Said: Ravens (5-3)
Too little, too late for the Ravens. Despite Flacco slinging out throws like a tennis ball machine, only 2/3's were accounted for, while the rest comprised of 2 very costly interceptions, which allowed this 'gritting through their teeth' Titans squad to win the game. That's about it in terms of what to say about this game.
The Ravens playoff chances are dwindling, despite being 2nd in the AFC North, but wild card you are not. Meanwhile, if the Titans are able to keep up with the Jaguars, they may achieve the underdog wild card success they are hoping for.
San Francisco 49ers vs. Arizona Cardinals
Levi's Stadium, Santa Clara, California
Actual Result: 49ers 10-20 Cardinals
Kyle Said: 49ers (4-5)
Stuart Said: 49ers (5-4)
Previously on NFL Trades:
The San Francisco 49ers trade a 2nd round pick (and possibly Brian Hoyer unofficially, or with the intent of releasing him anyway) to the New England Patriots for backup quarterback (and most handsome man in the NFL) Jimmy Garoppolo.
So there may be hope for the 49ers in the future. Not for now, anyway. They're keeping their new acquisition until he's ready. For now, tank the fuck on! Send out your third round draft pick backup C.J. Beathard instead so that Jimmy doesn't have to.
Adrian Peterson had an absolute field day against the Niners as he proceeded to dominate the field, and Drew Staton was serviceable.
It's hard to be the Cardinals right now: Seattle's pushing desperately for a wild card since they're sure as shit not catching the Rams at this rate, whilst the Niners are pretty much on their way to a top 3 draft pick. Stuck in the middle is the perfect term, and whether you push on or tank hard, it will probably yield the same results. Sucks.
Seattle Seahawks vs. Washington Redskins
CenturyLink Field, Seattle, Washington
Actual Result: Seahawks 14-17 Redskins
Kyle Said: Seahawks (4-6)
Stuart Said: Seahawks (5-5)
Seahawks, that was just embarrassing. You start things off right with a safety to set the tone, then proceed to do absolutely fucking nothing until the very last quarter, when you've already played yourselves with 2 very costly interceptions, and Blair Walsh kicks the game away like he did when you faced the Vikings a few playoffs ago. How's it feel to be on the receiving end this time? Not only that, you decide you can't risk him blowing another chance, least he himself gets kicked into the Pacific, attempt the 2 pointer, and fail both times. Impotence would only begin to define the preferable term of such a display.
Dallas Cowboys vs. Kansas City Chiefs
AT&T Stadium, Arlington, Texas
Actual Result: Cowboys 28-17 Chiefs
Kyle Said: Chiefs (4-7)
Stuart Said: Chiefs (5-6)
Ok, so heads: he plays; tails: he's suspended. Cool?
*flips coin*
Heads it is, then! He plays!
This is the only plausible method I can think of how people can handle this Ezekiel Elliot suspension farce.
Luckily for Zeke and the Cowboys, they had their prized running back for this game, and hungry he was for yards. Cole Beasley also had a heck of a night for himself, with 2 touchdown catches.
Outside of a certain play that made the Cowboys defence look like what happens when your controller dies and all your players just stop moving, the Chiefs just look rather pedestrian by comparison. Alex Smith was fine, as was his wide variety of aerial targets, but the running game couldn't compare.
Tune in next week for another exciting coin flip for whether or not Zeke is suspended!
Miami Dolphins vs. Oakland Raiders
Hard Rock Stadium, Miami, Florida
Actual Result: Dolphins 24-27 Raiders
Kyle Said: Raiders (5-7)
Stuart Said: Raiders (6-6)
So Jay Cutler has returned, and looked actually good against the struggling Raiders defence. Then again, Derek Carr looked good against the struggling Dolphins defence...We're in for once of those games aren't we?
Just like a 12th round of boxing, it was just tired blow for tired blow. Both defences fell by the wayside and allowed all available offence to just roll with it! If that's your style, then this was a pretty decent game, but otherwise, both teams are just looking exhausted. The Raiders may not catch the Chiefs (despite the Chiefs skidding a little as of late), and will need some serious wins if they want to secure a wild card. Meanwhile, the Dolphins appear to be dissolving from the inside, what with their former offensive coordinator being a coke head, trading prized running back Jay Ajayi to the red hot Eagles for the equivalent of half a KitKat, it's not looking pretty down in Miami...
Green Bay Packers vs. Detroit Lions
Lambeau Field, Green Bay, Wisconsin
Actual Result: Packers 17-30 Lions
Kyle Said: Lions (6-7)
Stuart Said: Lions (7-6)
So for only the second time since December 15th, 1991 (one day after I was born!), the Detriot Lions defeat the Green Bay Packers at Lambeau Field. The New York Giants have made the Superbowl more times since then...
This played out exactly how I knew it would. The wounds of Aaron Rodgers' injury were still very fresh, which primed the senses of the Lions and allowed them to capitalise. Brett Hundley looked impressive, but sadly the offence couldn't really go anywhere until the 4th quarter, but much like the Ravens, the Lions had already etched out a margin, rendering it too little, too late.
There! Week 9 is now in the bag! Let's check out those tallies!
Kyle: 73-59
Stuart: 77-55
By all accounts, another bad week for us predictions wise, but hopefully we'll bounce back next week (*spoiler* we do). Man, I love ruining all pretence of tension in these predictions!
Thanks for reading, and hope to see you for our next review of Week 10!
Thanks!
Kyle
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