NFL Week 8 Review
By Kyle Balfour
In a way, I'm kinda glad I allowed myself to excessively indulge alcohol-wise last week, as it has allowed me to compensate by covering the week in review form; and by god, what a week it was!
I mean this week had everything: blowouts, close knit games, neck and neck stand offs, and stampedes by winners! What makes it even better is that they are incredibly easy to summarise! So let's dive into it!
First off, a quick recap of our ever beloved rivalry in terms of who is the better lottery number selector!
Stuart takes a lead in 62-44 while I trail 57-49, but because I love being the spoiler of results before you can even count it with us, I begin to close the gap! How? Let's find out!
Batimore Ravens vs. Miami Dolphins
M&T Bank Stadium, Baltimore, Maryland
Actual Result: Ravens 40-0 Dolphins
Kyle Said: Dolphins (0-1)
Stuart Said: Dolphins (0-1)
Already covered this game, so here's a quick recap:
Game was fine up until the big hit on Joe Flacco by Kiki Alonso. Not a dirty hit, but definitely a big one. Flacco's already begun the slide as Alonso begins to prepare for impact: so there's no stopping that.
However, after that hit, the momentum changed dramatically. Matt Moore pissed the game away entirely as the Ravens secondary picked them apart piece by piece, culminating in a total blowout.
Cleveland Browns vs. Minnesota Vikings
Twickenham Stadium, London, England
Actual Result: Browns 16-33 Vikings
Kyle Said: Vikings (1-1)
Stuart Said: Vikings (1-1)
The final London game has come to a close, and it resulted in the Browns looking the most competitive they have all season. That shit show with the Titans does not count! That's not being competitive!
They looked somewhat decent against the Vikings for the first half, then reality set in and the Vikings cranked up the pressure, resulting in the Browns being completely smoked in the 2nd half. Take that for whatever you will.
Buffalo Bills vs. Oakland Raiders
New Era Field, Buffalo, New York
Actual Result: Bills 34-14 Raiders
Kyle Said: Bills (2-1)
Stuart Said: Raiders (1-2)
Unfortunately, we do in fact have to adhere to the whole 'New Era Field' thing due to naming rights...Therefore, I tip my Giants hat (seeing as it is made by New Era) to them. Least we don't have to mesh the two names together anymore...
While the name has changed, so have the Bills as they enter what appears to be a 'New Era' (cringe, motherfuckers!). Defying any claims that they were attempting some sort of ghost tank underneath the Jets and are out for playoff blood. LeSean McCoy continues to be the rock that keeps on rolling for the team, as their running game continues to be a hard threat for opponents.
The Raiders, meanwhile, are now starting to realise they need more than just a healthy Derek Carr. Their defence has been incredibly mediocre as of late, and it may turn out to be the factor that costs them this season. After such promise prior to the season, only for defensive woes to cost them important games.
Cincinnati Bengals vs Indianapolis Colts
Paul Brown Stadium, Cincinnati, Ohio
Actual Result: Bengals 24-23 Colts
Kyle Said: Bengals (3-1)
Stuart Said: Colts (1-3)
See? Why can't teams name their stadiums after significant people in the burgeoning success that would become the NFL? Like, by all means accept the money bloated sponsorships, but at least respect the history and honour those pioneers. I mean the Heisman Trophy is still the Heisman; not the Mountain DewTM Award for Awesome.
The Bengals and Colts looked fine for the most part, but as many games have happened this season: costly turnovers by the Colts sealed it for the Bangals. Least it was competitive...which is what you want to demonstrate, even if you want a tank. Go out with a bang, instead of rolling over and dying.
Keep it tanked, my Colts brethren.
New England Patriots vs. Los Angeles Chargers
Gillette Stadium, Foxborough, Massachusetts
Actual Result: Patriots 21-13 Chargers
Kyle Said: Patriots (4-1)
Stuart Said: Patriots (2-3)
So this was way closer than I think anyone wanted it to be. Like the Patriots still won at home, which up until this season was a fucking gimme, but a somewhat rejuvenated Chargers kept in it for the most part.
Still, shoutout to Travis Benjamin of the L.A. Chargers: whom, after dropping a punt return initially, recovers the ball and instead of heading out of bounds, or mustering somewhat of a charge for a few inches of gain, proceeds to not only run up the side of the field, but within end zone territory, where he is easily tackled for the easiest safety you'll ever witness!
New Orleans Saints vs. Chicago Bears
Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Actual Result: Saints 20-12 Bears
Kyle Said: Saints (5-1)
Stuart Said: Saints (3-3)
OH MY GOD THAT'S NOT MEANT TO BEND THAT WAY!
That was the internal response I said to myself as I watched Zack Miller not only be denied what was obviously a goddamn touchdown catch (it fucking was!), but also for him to completely shatter his leg during it. It was a double blow of awful for the Bears: losing your valuable tight end, but also to be denied a crucial touchdown. Regardless of this case, the Saints came out the better team in the long haul as Drew Brees propels the Saints to a win.
At least Miller's surgery was a success, so he may still have a career after this. Thoughts are with you, big guy!
New York Jets vs. Atlanta Falcons
MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Actual Result: Jets 20-25 Falcons
Kyle Said: Falcons (6-1)
Stuart Said: Falcons (4-3)
So despite Josh McCown outgunning Matt Ryan on this game, and despite the Jets defying all odds of tanking, the football gods defied their defiance and allowed the team with better pieces outside of QB to win. The Jets were not bad, and neither were the Falcons. Just that the Falcons were better.
A blessing in disguise, perhaps? Seeing as how I absolutely don't see the Jets recreating this type of teenage rebellion of the conformist 'tank' scenario next season. But hey! One can dream; and dream, the Jets do dream.
Philadelphia Eagles vs. San Franciso 49ers
Lincoln Financial Field, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Actual Result: Eagles 33-10 49ers
Kyle Said: Eagles (7-1)
Stuart Said: Eagles (5-3)
Dear Eagles fans:
First of all, congratulations on continuing to maintain the best record of the NFL this season so far. Good to see you're not falling to complete ass as you did last season.
Secondly, a minor congratulations on beating the winless 49ers...
You beat the San Francisco 49ers. A winless 49ers. A no-hope-in hell 49rs team (so long as Jed York remains at the helm). Calm the fuck down. You still have some tough opponents ahead of you. By all means, the NFC East is a toxic wasteland and you have happened to emerge as the most genetically mutated rat this season, but that won't save you come the post season. Just saying don't count your eagles before they fly.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Carolina Panthers
Raymond James Stadium, Tampa, Florida
Actual Result: Buccaneers 3-17 Panthers
Kyle Said: Buccaneers (7-2)
Stuart Said: Buccaneers (5-4)
I wish this was another case of stadiums being named for significant figures in the NFL's legacy, however this one is just a case of a coincidental sponsorship that also happens to form itself like a namesake...damn it, Bucs!
What was also damning was your performance. Costly turnovers by Jameis Winston allowed the Panthers to gorge on you like a carcass. Despite keeping it equally competitive with them, you couldn't muster up the extra effort needed to negate those costly turnovers.
Seattle Seahawks vs. Houston Texans
CenturyLink Field, Seattle, Washington
Actual Result: 41-38 Texans
Kyle Said: Seahawks (8-2)
Stuart Said: Seahawks (6-4)
Another game of the season contender rears its head and comes courtesy of the Seahawks and the Texans!
The Texans looked incredibly legit this game, flexing their potent offence, and providing strong evidence for claims of Deshaun Watson being their new franchise QB and not only being a strong contender for the AFC South title (Sorry, Stuart!), but also being a genuine threat in the playoffs!
The Seahawks, however, answered the call and delivered back with their own brand of potent offensive capabilities and stout defence. However, it was the field goals in the stand off 3rd period that stood to be the game deciders. Holy smokes, what a game!
Washington Redskins vs. Dallas Cowboys
FedExField, Landover, Maryland
Actual Result: Redskins 19-33 Cowboys
Kyle Said: Cowboys (9-2)
Stuart Said: Cowboys (7-4)
A very 'meh' brand of NFC East rivalry was delivered to us here. The Ezekiel Elliot show (patent and suspension pending) continued to dominate over this game, being the crucial winning factor that separated the 2 teams. The Redskins tried, but it was the far superior running game of the Cowboys, and a few unfortunate turnovers that turned this game over to the Cowboys.
Detriot Lions vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
Ford Field, Detroit, Michigan
Actual Result: Lions 15-20 Steelers
Kyle Said: Lions (9-3)
Stuart Said: Lions (7-5)
So this would've been a game that the Lions could've, should've, didn't win. An unfortunate bit of news to report, seeing as how there was absolutely no reports of 4th quarter wizardry to be witnessed.
It was the better pieces on the Steelers that won it for them. An incredible run by Juju Smith-Schuster (quickly becoming one of your/my favourite rookie) and the usual case of LeVeon Bell will do that to you.
Kansas City Chiefs vs. Denver Broncos
Arrowhead Stadium, Kansas City, Missouri
Actual Result: Chiefs 29-19 Broncos
Kyle Said: Kyle (10-3)
Stuart Said: Stuart (8-5)
Does anyone still have the number for Peyton Manning? Or will he not talk to anyone because Papa John is recording sale losses that he blames on the NFL protests? Despite Pizza Hut, and DiGiorno, not sharing these sentiments...
Find a new target, Papa...and while you're at it, have your local depot start delivering to my very local address, you pricks!
In any case, it is truly the QB situation that is plaguing this Broncos team. Trevor Siemian, once again, laid a complete egg out there on the football field, being utterly inept and costing the team almost first handily with picks galore!
You've got the Eagles next week, Broncos. Get your shit together!
And that'll wrap it up for Week 8. A fun week, indeed, but also the best kind of week. Fun, but also very easy to summarise. The best of both worlds! Now, to the surprise of nobody, let's check this week's predictions tally!
Kyle: 10-3
Stuart: 8-5
Some pretty good numbers again this week. Here are the totals:
Kyle: 67-52
Stuart: 70-49
Now with the gap closing, the chase is on! So we look on to Week 9, where the Giants return from bye week...yay...
TFW (That Face When) the season is still going, but you're just waiting for draft day.
Anyway, here's to another good week of football!
Go Giants...draft picks!
By Kyle Balfour
In a way, I'm kinda glad I allowed myself to excessively indulge alcohol-wise last week, as it has allowed me to compensate by covering the week in review form; and by god, what a week it was!
I mean this week had everything: blowouts, close knit games, neck and neck stand offs, and stampedes by winners! What makes it even better is that they are incredibly easy to summarise! So let's dive into it!
First off, a quick recap of our ever beloved rivalry in terms of who is the better lottery number selector!
Stuart takes a lead in 62-44 while I trail 57-49, but because I love being the spoiler of results before you can even count it with us, I begin to close the gap! How? Let's find out!
Batimore Ravens vs. Miami Dolphins
M&T Bank Stadium, Baltimore, Maryland
Actual Result: Ravens 40-0 Dolphins
Kyle Said: Dolphins (0-1)
Stuart Said: Dolphins (0-1)
Already covered this game, so here's a quick recap:
Game was fine up until the big hit on Joe Flacco by Kiki Alonso. Not a dirty hit, but definitely a big one. Flacco's already begun the slide as Alonso begins to prepare for impact: so there's no stopping that.
However, after that hit, the momentum changed dramatically. Matt Moore pissed the game away entirely as the Ravens secondary picked them apart piece by piece, culminating in a total blowout.
Cleveland Browns vs. Minnesota Vikings
Twickenham Stadium, London, England
Actual Result: Browns 16-33 Vikings
Kyle Said: Vikings (1-1)
Stuart Said: Vikings (1-1)
The final London game has come to a close, and it resulted in the Browns looking the most competitive they have all season. That shit show with the Titans does not count! That's not being competitive!
They looked somewhat decent against the Vikings for the first half, then reality set in and the Vikings cranked up the pressure, resulting in the Browns being completely smoked in the 2nd half. Take that for whatever you will.
Buffalo Bills vs. Oakland Raiders
New Era Field, Buffalo, New York
Actual Result: Bills 34-14 Raiders
Kyle Said: Bills (2-1)
Stuart Said: Raiders (1-2)
Unfortunately, we do in fact have to adhere to the whole 'New Era Field' thing due to naming rights...Therefore, I tip my Giants hat (seeing as it is made by New Era) to them. Least we don't have to mesh the two names together anymore...
While the name has changed, so have the Bills as they enter what appears to be a 'New Era' (cringe, motherfuckers!). Defying any claims that they were attempting some sort of ghost tank underneath the Jets and are out for playoff blood. LeSean McCoy continues to be the rock that keeps on rolling for the team, as their running game continues to be a hard threat for opponents.
The Raiders, meanwhile, are now starting to realise they need more than just a healthy Derek Carr. Their defence has been incredibly mediocre as of late, and it may turn out to be the factor that costs them this season. After such promise prior to the season, only for defensive woes to cost them important games.
Cincinnati Bengals vs Indianapolis Colts
Paul Brown Stadium, Cincinnati, Ohio
Actual Result: Bengals 24-23 Colts
Kyle Said: Bengals (3-1)
Stuart Said: Colts (1-3)
See? Why can't teams name their stadiums after significant people in the burgeoning success that would become the NFL? Like, by all means accept the money bloated sponsorships, but at least respect the history and honour those pioneers. I mean the Heisman Trophy is still the Heisman; not the Mountain DewTM Award for Awesome.
The Bengals and Colts looked fine for the most part, but as many games have happened this season: costly turnovers by the Colts sealed it for the Bangals. Least it was competitive...which is what you want to demonstrate, even if you want a tank. Go out with a bang, instead of rolling over and dying.
Keep it tanked, my Colts brethren.
New England Patriots vs. Los Angeles Chargers
Gillette Stadium, Foxborough, Massachusetts
Actual Result: Patriots 21-13 Chargers
Kyle Said: Patriots (4-1)
Stuart Said: Patriots (2-3)
So this was way closer than I think anyone wanted it to be. Like the Patriots still won at home, which up until this season was a fucking gimme, but a somewhat rejuvenated Chargers kept in it for the most part.
Still, shoutout to Travis Benjamin of the L.A. Chargers: whom, after dropping a punt return initially, recovers the ball and instead of heading out of bounds, or mustering somewhat of a charge for a few inches of gain, proceeds to not only run up the side of the field, but within end zone territory, where he is easily tackled for the easiest safety you'll ever witness!
New Orleans Saints vs. Chicago Bears
Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Actual Result: Saints 20-12 Bears
Kyle Said: Saints (5-1)
Stuart Said: Saints (3-3)
OH MY GOD THAT'S NOT MEANT TO BEND THAT WAY!
That was the internal response I said to myself as I watched Zack Miller not only be denied what was obviously a goddamn touchdown catch (it fucking was!), but also for him to completely shatter his leg during it. It was a double blow of awful for the Bears: losing your valuable tight end, but also to be denied a crucial touchdown. Regardless of this case, the Saints came out the better team in the long haul as Drew Brees propels the Saints to a win.
At least Miller's surgery was a success, so he may still have a career after this. Thoughts are with you, big guy!
New York Jets vs. Atlanta Falcons
MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey
Actual Result: Jets 20-25 Falcons
Kyle Said: Falcons (6-1)
Stuart Said: Falcons (4-3)
So despite Josh McCown outgunning Matt Ryan on this game, and despite the Jets defying all odds of tanking, the football gods defied their defiance and allowed the team with better pieces outside of QB to win. The Jets were not bad, and neither were the Falcons. Just that the Falcons were better.
A blessing in disguise, perhaps? Seeing as how I absolutely don't see the Jets recreating this type of teenage rebellion of the conformist 'tank' scenario next season. But hey! One can dream; and dream, the Jets do dream.
Philadelphia Eagles vs. San Franciso 49ers
Lincoln Financial Field, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Actual Result: Eagles 33-10 49ers
Kyle Said: Eagles (7-1)
Stuart Said: Eagles (5-3)
Dear Eagles fans:
First of all, congratulations on continuing to maintain the best record of the NFL this season so far. Good to see you're not falling to complete ass as you did last season.
Secondly, a minor congratulations on beating the winless 49ers...
You beat the San Francisco 49ers. A winless 49ers. A no-hope-in hell 49rs team (so long as Jed York remains at the helm). Calm the fuck down. You still have some tough opponents ahead of you. By all means, the NFC East is a toxic wasteland and you have happened to emerge as the most genetically mutated rat this season, but that won't save you come the post season. Just saying don't count your eagles before they fly.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Carolina Panthers
Raymond James Stadium, Tampa, Florida
Actual Result: Buccaneers 3-17 Panthers
Kyle Said: Buccaneers (7-2)
Stuart Said: Buccaneers (5-4)
I wish this was another case of stadiums being named for significant figures in the NFL's legacy, however this one is just a case of a coincidental sponsorship that also happens to form itself like a namesake...damn it, Bucs!
What was also damning was your performance. Costly turnovers by Jameis Winston allowed the Panthers to gorge on you like a carcass. Despite keeping it equally competitive with them, you couldn't muster up the extra effort needed to negate those costly turnovers.
Seattle Seahawks vs. Houston Texans
CenturyLink Field, Seattle, Washington
Actual Result: 41-38 Texans
Kyle Said: Seahawks (8-2)
Stuart Said: Seahawks (6-4)
Another game of the season contender rears its head and comes courtesy of the Seahawks and the Texans!
The Texans looked incredibly legit this game, flexing their potent offence, and providing strong evidence for claims of Deshaun Watson being their new franchise QB and not only being a strong contender for the AFC South title (Sorry, Stuart!), but also being a genuine threat in the playoffs!
The Seahawks, however, answered the call and delivered back with their own brand of potent offensive capabilities and stout defence. However, it was the field goals in the stand off 3rd period that stood to be the game deciders. Holy smokes, what a game!
Washington Redskins vs. Dallas Cowboys
FedExField, Landover, Maryland
Actual Result: Redskins 19-33 Cowboys
Kyle Said: Cowboys (9-2)
Stuart Said: Cowboys (7-4)
A very 'meh' brand of NFC East rivalry was delivered to us here. The Ezekiel Elliot show (patent and suspension pending) continued to dominate over this game, being the crucial winning factor that separated the 2 teams. The Redskins tried, but it was the far superior running game of the Cowboys, and a few unfortunate turnovers that turned this game over to the Cowboys.
Detriot Lions vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
Ford Field, Detroit, Michigan
Actual Result: Lions 15-20 Steelers
Kyle Said: Lions (9-3)
Stuart Said: Lions (7-5)
So this would've been a game that the Lions could've, should've, didn't win. An unfortunate bit of news to report, seeing as how there was absolutely no reports of 4th quarter wizardry to be witnessed.
It was the better pieces on the Steelers that won it for them. An incredible run by Juju Smith-Schuster (quickly becoming one of your/my favourite rookie) and the usual case of LeVeon Bell will do that to you.
Kansas City Chiefs vs. Denver Broncos
Arrowhead Stadium, Kansas City, Missouri
Actual Result: Chiefs 29-19 Broncos
Kyle Said: Kyle (10-3)
Stuart Said: Stuart (8-5)
Does anyone still have the number for Peyton Manning? Or will he not talk to anyone because Papa John is recording sale losses that he blames on the NFL protests? Despite Pizza Hut, and DiGiorno, not sharing these sentiments...
Find a new target, Papa...and while you're at it, have your local depot start delivering to my very local address, you pricks!
In any case, it is truly the QB situation that is plaguing this Broncos team. Trevor Siemian, once again, laid a complete egg out there on the football field, being utterly inept and costing the team almost first handily with picks galore!
You've got the Eagles next week, Broncos. Get your shit together!
And that'll wrap it up for Week 8. A fun week, indeed, but also the best kind of week. Fun, but also very easy to summarise. The best of both worlds! Now, to the surprise of nobody, let's check this week's predictions tally!
Kyle: 10-3
Stuart: 8-5
Some pretty good numbers again this week. Here are the totals:
Kyle: 67-52
Stuart: 70-49
Now with the gap closing, the chase is on! So we look on to Week 9, where the Giants return from bye week...yay...
TFW (That Face When) the season is still going, but you're just waiting for draft day.
Anyway, here's to another good week of football!
Go Giants...draft picks!
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