NFL Offseason Review: Part Two By Stuart Tomlin

With the NFL Draft and the beginnings of Free Agency in the books, we thought it was time to look at the state of the NFL as it stands in May 2019, four months ahead of the season. Initially, I thought it’d be a good idea to run a full article with all thirty-two teams, but I underestimated how large that article would be. Therefore, it was decided that it would be a series of four, posted on consecutive days, in alphabetical order. Today, we look at D through K, starting in Dallas and ending in Kansas City…



First off, a shoutout to Patrick Peterson for already outdating the Arizona Cardinals section of my last review. You really don’t need PEDs, no one does, and you got a six-game ban. Sakes.

Let's begin.
 

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DALLAS COWBOYS

Well, Dallas, you did it. You won a playoff game, and Jason Garrett is staying for the near-to-distant future. Happy clapping is here to stay in Dallas.

DeMarcus Lawrence was initially franchise tagged, and then the Cowboys worked out a deal with him to keep him in the Big D for years to come. This was probably the most important move of your offseason, and you got it done, so can’t fault that one.

However, talk of Amari Cooper wanting Odell Beckham money in an upcoming extension...he’s good, but he’s not Odell Beckham money good, for me. Worse to come is that they could be paying Dak Prescott 30m a god damn year. Again, good, but not worth that kind of money.

And still gotta work out a long-termer for Ezekiel Elliott as well, huh? And a little further down the line, one for Van der Esch as well.

Cap hell may await you soon. Good luck with that.

Oh, and Jason Witten is back. Our ears are saved from his commentary.

DENVER BRONCOS

“The Elite” Joe Flacco has landed in Denver. Case Keenum has come and gone, off to Washington to start in place of Alex Smith (we’ll get to that). So, they’ve gotten in Joe Flacco, who is Elite. I think we’ve mentioned his Eliteness. They also drafted Noah Fant so that Joe can complete his favourite move - the checkdown to a tight end.

Although this did deny the Pats a potential Gronk replacement, so...yay?

And you drafted Drew Lock, because John Elway falls in love with tall Quarterbacks. Tall Quarterbacks to John Elway are like keys to a magnet. And they usually work out like keys in a pocket with a hole in them.

Which is probably about right.

Can’t shake the feeling that the Broncos won’t become who they can be with John Elway as GM. He’s a club legend, sure. But can you really afford to hold onto the glory days with him in charge? He’s won a Super Bowl as GM, but that’s with Peyton goddamn Manning. Mixed feelings on that one, by the way. Since then, he’s kinda proven he can’t really evaluate Quarterbacks worth a damn in the last few years. Will Flacco or Lock buck this trend? We’ll see.

I accidentally typed Lock as “Luck”. No, you can’t have another one of our Quarterbacks, Denver.

DETROIT LIONS

Oh, Detroit. As it stands, you’ve got the Bears with Khalil Mack, a Vikings team looking for a bounceback, and a Packers team that have finally figured out that you actually do need to sign players in free agency and not just rely on Aaron Rodgers bailouts. We’ll get to that.

In the meantime, you got Trey Flowers in which honestly is not a bad move. You also signed Danny Amendola. You’re pretty much trying to become the Patriots, aren’t you? Makes sense with Matt Patricia there, I guess.

You also signed CJ Anderson, who was probably the best Rams running back towards the back end of last season. Who the hell saw that coming with Todd Gurley there? But this is the world we live in. He’s now in Detroit to back-up/help out/take over from Kerryon Johnson (delete as applicable).

Jesse James from Pittsburgh and Justin Coleman from the Seahawks are also very solid additions. Honestly? Can’t really grumble with what the Lions have done in Free Agency. The Lions making smart free agency moves. Huh. Who are you and what have you done with the Detroit Lions?

Also you drafted a Tight End in the first round. T.J. Hockenson. If it goes about as well as the last Tight End you drafted that high, we should see him in Indianapolis in about...four years.

Cheers for Ebron, by the way. We love him.

GREEN BAY PACKERS

As mentioned above, the Green Bay Packers have finally figured out that actually signing players to compliment Rodgers and not relying on ridiculous bailouts from him is probably quite a good decision.

Mike McCarthy is, mercifully, gone. In comes former Titans offensive co-ordinator Matt LaFleur. You didn’t hire Josh McDaniels and I therefore don’t have to hate you. Having always had a bit of a soft-spot for Green Bay, this pleases me.

Za Darius Smith, Preston Smith from Washington (no relation to each other) and Adrian Amos, formerly of the rival Bears, are here to shore up that absolutely terrible defence from last year. Clay Matthews is gone, taking his ability to be unfairly punished for the most ridiculous of reasons with him to Los Angeles. He’ll probably have to be the biggest contributor to the NFL’s annual Christmas Party there instead.

Also spending the first two rounders, including the one you got from the Saints, on Rashan Gary and Darnell Savage Jr. to bolster up that defence are smart moves.

I like what the Packers did. Especially drafting that Deuce Dominguez, that’s an absolute ste...what do you mean that was just a prank? Some guy went to Nashville and convinced a bunch of people he was a first round offensive lineman for the Packers.

Having found this out, the Texans immediately tried to sign him as an undrafted free agent.

HOUSTON TEXANS

Speaking of which, Houston! God bless your inability to address your offensive line. With the Eagles trading up to take the guy you actually wanted right before your pick, you settled on a first round pick that is very much a prospect pick in Tytus Howard. DeShaun Watson is probably gonna be running for his life again this year. It doesn’t matter how good your Quarterback is when he’s getting absolutely murdered on every single play. This one seems a panic move after the Eagles took the guy you actually wanted.

You’ve also flipped your secondary again. Tyrann Mathieu is gone, heading to Kansas City. In come Tashaun Gipson and Bradley Roby. Okay then. Decent moves, but Mathieu is a big loss.

Jadeveon Clowney is still here, for now, having been franchise tagged for the season. He might not attend the offseason activities, and there’s still talk of a trade or a future deal. This is one to keep an eye on in the coming few months.

At least you’ve got JJ fit?

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS

This writer, as you know, is a Colts fan, and so far, I’m absolutely delighted with what we’ve done in free agency and the Draft.

Expected by many to spend ridiculous amounts of money due to the large cap space we have, we’ve been quite prudent with it - although anyone who knows Chris Ballard should have seen this coming. Avoiding diving in at the deep end at the top of free agency, the Colts have instead given deals to the likes of Devin Funchess, Justin Houston and Spencer Ware, while saving money to resign the likes of Eric Ebron, Jack Doyle, Anthony Castonzo, and down the line, TY Hilton and even Andrew Luck. 6 dimensional chess from Chris Ballard.

In the Draft, we traded back, which kinda annoyed me as I stayed up late on my birthday only for us to trade back out of 26 and out of the first round. It was a minor irritation and I liked what we got for it - a second round pick that turned into Ben Banogu, who looks like a player, and a second next year. Elsewhere, absolutely loved the pick of Rock Ya-Sin, both improving our Cornerback position and also becoming my favourite Colts name ever, replacing the previous holder Barkevious Mingo (he was here for a season in 2017, and was decent.)

Elsewhere, Parris Campbell could be a potential weapon and has already impressed in early rookie minicamp.

T.Y., Campbell, Funchess, Mack, Ebron, Doyle, Luck. Not to mention the two All Pros in Nelson and Leonard.

As you can tell, I’m massively excited for Indy this year.

Can this season start already?

One final thing, if you haven’t had a chance to check out the Colts’ “With the Next Pick” series over on YouTube, it’s a fascinating look into the Draft process of an NFL team. Colts fan or not, I’d highly recommend having a watch of it.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS

Well, Jacksonville, you finally did it. Blake Bortles has been exiled from the realm, off to become the perennial backup Quarterback he was always destined to be. In comes a new hero, a legend of the Philadelphia area...Big Dick Nick. Yep, Nick Foles, he of the PatriotSlayer 2017 Eagles, bringing in the most unlikely of Super Bowl runs in lieu of an injured Carson Wentz.

The elephant in the room here (that’s where it ended up instead of King’s Landing with Cersei Lannister), is that Nick Foles hasn’t exactly been successful outside of Philadelphia. He struggled both with the Rams and the Chiefs. One major thing he won’t have in Jacksonville that he had in Philly is the Wide Receiver depth. Hell, game for you, non Jags fans. Name a Jacksonville Wide Receiver without Google.

If you said Marquise Lee and Dede Westbrook, please come to the window to collect your winnings.

If you said Donte Moncrief, he’s gone to Pittsburgh. Gone are the days of Allen Robinson (Chicago) and Allen Hurns (Dallas, hurt).

On the plus side for the Jags, that defence (Hashtag, Sacksonville) is still terrifyingly good. Dante Fowler may have been traded late last year, but in comes Josh Allen (no, not that Josh Allen) to bolster the pass rushing in his stead. How the hell he fell to seventh overall (much like the other Josh Allen, yes they both went at number seven in consecutive years), is beyond me.

God damn it, Giants. More on that later.

For now though, it means Allen is in Jacksonville. I do not like that development.

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS

Ah the Chiefs. How’s your offseason going?

*Binfire.GIF*

Oh, oh no.

Patrick Mahomes was named the Madden 20 NFL Cover Star, so that’s off to a bad start. The Madden Curse will surely come into effect.

That same day, the Tyreek Hill news broke.

I’m not gonna make jokes here: Tyreek Hill is an utter scumbag, and he should never play in the NFL ever again. Sadly, I reckon because he’s talented enough, he probably will. The Chiefs still haven’t cut him. They cut Hunt after his digressions, and of course he’s now in Cleveland. But the Hill stuff is inexcusable and undefendable.

With that, Hill playing for the Chiefs is in doubt, and all that aside, it would be a major loss on the talent front. The defence will also look vastly different this year, and I’m not sure it’s for the better. The Chiefs traded their first round pick for Frank Clark...who also has a history of domestic violence.

For fuck sake, Kansas City.

You brought Clark in to improve the pass rush, as well as Tyrann Mathieu for the secondary. Gone are the likes of Justin Houston, Eric Berry and Dee Ford, traded to the 49ers.

Mahomes is Mahomes, he’s still going to be incredible and he’s still gonna win you a lot of games, but relying on him to bail you out every single game?

Are you Green Bay in disguise?

That’ll do it for part two of our look at the offseason. Next time out, we look at L through N.

Until then,

Go Colts!