NFL Offseason Review: Part Three By Stuart Tomlin

With the NFL Draft and the beginnings of Free Agency in the books, we thought it was time to look at the state of the NFL as it stands in May 2019, four months ahead of the season. Initially, I thought it’d be a good idea to run a full article with all thirty-two teams, but I underestimated how large that article would be. Therefore, it was decided that it would be a series of four, posted on consecutive days, in alphabetical order. Today, we look at L through N, starting with Los Angeles and finishing in New York. Funnily enough, the Raiders will be at the start of this page next year. Damn, that kinda knocks my balance off next year. That’ll be a 2020 problem.

Anyway, on to today's teams:

LOS ANGELES CHARGERS

Ah, the Chargers. Fresh off getting utterly ruined by the Empire in the Divisional Round, the Chargers begin their last season at StubHub before they move into the spare room at the Rams’ new place. They signed Thomas Davis off the Panthers, and are the newest destination for Tyrod Taylor. Yep, Tyrod Taylor is in LA with the Chargers. Yay?

I did like the Jerry Tillery pick though at 28 in the Draft. Adding to an already strong defence with Joey Bosa and a fantastic interior defensive line that’s just become even better.

This kinda feels like the beginning of the end of the Philip Rivers era, where he plays a couple more years then goes off to father about six more children. He’s only one away from being able to start his own offence with his kids. In fact, including his wife, the Rivers family right now HAVE a starting offence.

and it’s probably a better starting offence than the giants ok i’m sorry kyle

LOS ANGELES RAMS

As for their new landlords, the reigning NFC Champions come off the Super Bowl having scored three points in that entire game. Three. Points. In. The. God. Damn. Super. Bowl.

Yeah, I’m still pissed at you for making me sit through not only that game, but yet another Patriots Super Bowl victory. Bastards.

So, what’s happened in the meantime? Todd Gurley might have arthritis in his knee...oh God. That’s not good. You hate to see that happen to any player. Does not bode well for his long-term prospects in this league.

Eric Weddle has been signed, and you also brought in...Blake Bortles to begin his backup career. Oh Lord. Clay Matthews and his aforementioned contributions to the NFL Office’s Christmas Party has also been signed from the Packers. Suh is still available after finishing up in LA. His destination’ll be one to watch in the newest wave of free agency.

Sean McVay claimed he overprepared for the Super Bowl. First off, how can you overprepare, it’s the SUPER BOWL, and secondly...3 points. I’d hate to see what underpreparing is.

You did incredibly pissboil the Saints last season. Kudos for that.

MIAMI DOLPHINS

The Dolphins seem to be openly punting the 2019 Season in order to Draft a Quarterback high in the 2020 Draft. Well, that’s what it seemed to be, until you ended up getting Josh Rosen from the Cardinals. Not gonna lie, I’m massively hoping Rosen succeeds at the Dolphins. First off, the way he handled his exit from Arizona was absolute class, and secondly, giving up on a Quarterback after a year? Really? I really hope he doesn’t have the exact same thing happen to him in Miami next year.

Of course he’ll probably end up getting hurt or demoted because Fitzmagic. The Ryan Fitzpatrick Cycle is universal law at this point.

Xavien Howard has just been signed to a big deal as of tonight (the 10th). Good move and a huge part of the Dolphins future has been locked up.

In other news, you drafted Christian Wilkins and he immediately celebrated this news by jumping into Roger Goodell and almost taking him out.

I like Wilkins already.

That being said, I’m still expecting it to be a rough season in Miami, and they’ll end up with a high draft pick. Or, Rosen and Fitzpatrick will end up ruining that plan by going 7-9 combined and taking you out of the top ten. That’d be a very Miami thing to happen.

At least Tannehill isn’t here anymore? That’s...something?

MINNESOTA VIKINGS

For God Sakes Minnesota, you were this close to the Super Bowl in 2017, completely shattering the Curse of the Super Bowl hosts...and then that defeat happens. Then, you get rid of the Quarterback that got you there in order to throw all of the money at Kirk Cousins.

And missed the playoffs.

You almost lost Anthony Barr to the Jets, then Barr realised he was signing for the Jets, thought “Nope, the hell with that” and ended up returning to Minnesota. So, he’s back.

Aside from that...you’ve not really done much, huh? I mean, the wide receiver corps is still great with Thielen and Diggs. You drafted a Center in the first round as you - correctly - identified that it was a major problem last year and moved to correct that fact.

I mean, Kirk Cousins IS a good Quarterback, whether he’s worth the money you paid him is another story for another day, but for now, he’s here, he’s locked in for another two years and he really needs to start producing. Having an offensive line that’s going in the right direction and having your defence find its 2017 form? Those would help massively this year in a very tough division to get out of.

But honestly? If Cousins finds his feet, you might be gold. If he doesn’t...well, tank for Trevor Lawrence?

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS

Ah, what’s it matter, you’re probably gonna be in the Super Bowl anyway.

Do I have to analyse the Pats?

Okay fine…

The Gronk is Dead, Long Live the...replacement to be nam...it’s Ben Watson. You just signed Ben Watson out of retirement.

But yeah, Gronk is gone, and after denting the Lombardi trophy by using it as a baseball bat, and costing future WWE Champion Jinder Mahal the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal at WrestleMania two years ago, yes that is an actual thing that happened, it’s safe to say the league will be a poorer place without him.

In the meantime, Trey Flowers is also gone, as is Trent Brown. However, Michael Bennett, formerly of the Legion of Boom, has come in, as has Demaryius Thomas, formerly of the Broncos and Texans. He was struggling a bit in Houston, so he’s probably gonna be a Pro Bowler because Patriots.

In the Draft, you didn’t actually trade down in a surprising move and took a wide receiver: N’Keal Harry. Belichick’s weak spot has often been drafting wide receivers but there’s no denying Harry has talent and this might buck the trend a bit.

And let’s be honest, you’re probably gonna get some compensation picks because Belichick knows exactly how to play that system.

In about nine months, can we NOT be talking about the Patriots in the Super Bowl again? Please? Just once?

Ah, who am I kidding, they’re going right back there aren’t they.

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS

I’m pretty sure you guys bought a cursed monkey’s paw in 2009, and wished for a Super Bowl win, because holy fuck.

The last two years, we’ve had the Minnesota Miracle in the dying seconds, followed by the no-call in the NFC Championship.

You guys have been utterly cursed the last couple of years.

In the meantime, Drew Brees comes into this season with this potentially being his last, as the Saints will, as per @Jason_OTC (thanks for clearing this up for me!), Brees will carry a $21.3m cap hit next year, regardless, if he leaves the team or retires. If he re-signs, it’s $21.3m PLUS whatever he signs for. If he re-signs before it voids, it’s $15.9m plus whatever he signs for.

In other words, this feels like Brees’ last chance in New Orleans to win another Super Bowl.

And you’ve gotta re-sign Michael Thomas next year, too, huh?

Yikes. Good luck with that.

And you didn’t have a first rounder this year because you traded up last year to get Marcus Davenport. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

You also re-signed Teddy Bridgewater to continue to prepare him to take over for Brees. Will he ever be the same QB he was before he got hurt? I’m rooting for him. Latavius Murray has replaced Mark Ingram in the backup to Alvin Kamara role. Okay.

As I say, this feels like Brees’ last shot. Make it count.

NEW YORK GIANTS

Moving on, how are the Giants doing this offseas...oh, oh God.

This feels like the Giants have gone full Red Wedding. Odell Beckham? Gone to Cleveland. Dave Gettleman thought it was a good idea to trade a generational wide receiver for...a mid-first rounder. Olivier Vernon is also gone to Cleveland. In his place, comes Julius Peppers, who is younger but struggled with injuries. Landon Collins? Yep, he’s walked for nothing, right to a divisional rival.

On the plus side, you’ve got a high pick and a mid-round pick. Let’s see what you did with this.

Hey, Josh Allen and Ed Oliver are still on the board! You might be able to hold off on the Quarterback position til pick 17, and get a generational defensive talent, then take someone like Dwayne Haskins who might still be there?

...you took Daniel Jones.

Daniel Jones.

Really, Gettleman? Really. REALLY?

Just to rub salt into the wounds, Dwayne Haskins ended up getting picked by the Washington D.C. Fitba Team.

You did take Dexter Lawrence with that pick you got for Odell, and traded up to get DeAndre Baker. So, I guess, silver linings?

But yeah. Daniel Jones. Gettleman claimed two teams might have taken him beforehand...and I’m struggling to name them. Miami? Cincinnati? Washington wanted Haskins, and Denver had Lock at the top of their board. I’d probably have taken either of them over Jones.

Honestly? I’m kinda rooting for Jones to be a success. Not only would it be good for the Giants, but the Freezing Cold Takes would be GLORIOUS. But there’s a lot of pressure on him off the bat. Even if he’ll spend a year, or...three, if you believe Gettleman...backing up Eli.

I’m honestly doubting Gettleman’s still in East Rutherford next year.

Yikes.

I’m sorry, Kyle.

NEW YORK JETS

Speaking of East Rutherford, how’s the other New York Fitba Team doing?

Well, there’s one place to start. Le’Veon Bell. The Jets now have Le’Veon and this is big for them. Sure, he held out for a year in Pittsburgh and didn’t quite get the deal that he was hoping for...but here we are. Hey, remember when he wanted $100m to “run with the Jets”? I guess he settled on $53m. Nonetheless, he’ll be running behind a worse line in East Rutherford than in Pittsburgh, but we’ll see how this one works out. This could either be a generational move, or completely blow up in their faces. There is no inbetween.

Some other good nods in Jameson Crowder, and CJ Mosley. Also some line help in Kelechi Osemele from the Raiders. The Jets had cap money to spend, and threw a lot of it at free agency.

In the Draft, despite trying to trade out of the spot and not having many takers for the trade up, the Jets made a sensible move in drafting Quinnen Williams. An absolutely fantastic player who will no doubt be a huge difference maker right off the bat.

If Sam Darnold can make the next step forward, this could be a good year for the Jets. They won’t top the Patriots, let’s be honest, nobody is going to in the AFC East while Brady is still there, but a surprise Wildcard spot would be very much in play if Darnold gets it right. If not...well...at least you have Le’Veon?

Oh wait, some news just in...they’ve just fired the GM. They’ve just handed the position of interim GM to Adam Gase...who wasn’t top of their list and the only one who wasn’t wanting additional power when he came in. And now he has it.

They allowed their GM to manage free agency, the Draft and fired him a month after the Draft. Okay?

Gase’s since traded Darron Lee to the Chiefs for a 6th Rounder next year. That seems...low.

The New York Fitba Jets, everyone!

And now you’re rumoured to be trading Bell are you absolutely joking me with this you absolute fuc...

Ahem.

Anyway, that’s my bit done for tonight. I’m off to watch Eurovision with a few friends. Next time around, our final part, starting, funnily enough, with Oakland and ending in Washington, we go O-Z. Or, O to W, technically.

Anyway,

Go Colts.