Wildcard Weekend Review and Divisional Round Picks By Stuart Tomlin

Wildcard Weekend Review:

The NFL Playoffs are here.

We're well into the middle of January, and as you can tell, I had no planned intro for this, so I'm just typing what comes to mind.

As I type this, we're about three hours away from the Colts kicking off the Divisional Round. I'm nervous but very excited for it. 

I'd written up the reviews for this a few days ago, so here goes nothing. Here's how the Wildcard went: 

Houston Texans vs. Indianapolis Colts

The good news for Texans fans is that your playoff run this year didn’t last eleven seconds.

The bad news is that it only lasted a couple of drives longer than that.

As a Colts fan, this game was massively pleasing for almost the entirety of the first half, and slightly nervy for a brief moment in the second, but overall, an absolutely brilliant performance and result. An absolutely perfect first drive for both the Colts offence and defence led to a Colts touchdown drive by Captain Andrew Luck to Eric Ebron, followed by a quick 3 and out for the Texans, followed by another touchdown drive, this time capped off by a run by Marlon Mack. TY Hilton wore a clown mask coming into the stadium and had 63 yards on the opening drive. They might as well just name the stadium after him at this point. I mean, Wikipedia had to actually lock the Houston Texans’ page after the game because people kept, correctly, changing the owner to TY Hilton.

An interception on the next play by Kenny Moore pretty much ended this as a contest in the first quarter. This was a joy to watch. Annoyingly, Luck was intercepted on the next drive, but that was due to a JJ Watt tipped play. As much as I do not like JJ Watt as a player (mainly due to the team he plays for), you gotta admit, he’s a damn good fitba player. Defence did its job over the next couple of drives, including an absolutely boss Fourth Down stop. A third Colts touchdown by the end of the half, this time to Inman. Game all but over.

I say “all but over” because it wouldn’t be the Colts if they didn’t make me absolutely fucking nervous during at least some point of the game. A bit more of a sluggish and conservative second half, albeit partly due to the Texans starting to make plays. However, on a third down blitz, Kenny Moore – one of the, if not the – smallest players on the pitch, got off the blitz and utterly annihilated Watson. I mean, he just utterly ruined him. It was incredibly pleasing to see.

The Texans got themselves on the scoreboard in the fourth quarter with a Coutee touchdown that looked like it was coming out and we got to play the touchdown-touchback game. The Touchback rule – a fumble in the endzone leads to a touchback and the ball going to the other team – seems to be either loved or hated depending on what team you support and if it goes for or against you. This time around, I loved this rule – or I would’ve, had it not been ruled a touchdown. 21-7. Ah well. All it really did in hindsight was ruin the shutout.

A fourth down stop on the next Texans drive, where Watson threw an utterly horrendous pass – are we starting a drinking game where I use the term “Utterly” as many times as possible? And that pretty much ended it. A couple of first down runs for Marlon Mack, and it was kneel down victory formation time. One and Oh this week.

To come from 1-5 to Divisional Round football is an absolutely tremendous achievement. I’m so damn proud of how far the Colts have come this year. This was supposed to be a rebuild. We were written off so many times - #32 ranked at the start of the season by NFL dot com, 1-5 and ruled dead in the water for the season, playing in “Tank Bowls” against the Raiders.

And here we are.

Divisional Round Football.

…should Frank Reich still have played for the tie?

It’s not over for us, either. The Colts go to the Chiefs in a battle of the most touchdown passes in the regular season in playoff history. Andrew Luck versus Patrick Mahomes. It’s going to be an utter battle.

I believe in this team.

We need to do what we’ve been doing all season long. Limit the running game, hit the Quarterback, protect Luck and Mack. Having our starting offensive line again massively helped the run game and kept Luck up right, and we need to do that again. It’s going to be a shootout – Patrick Mahomes is utterly unreal. We need to limit him, Tyreek Hill and Travis Kelce as much as possible.

It’s gonna be a fun one for the neutral.

It’s going to be hell for me.

1-0 this week.

 

One final note: The Houston Texans’ stadium has STILL been to two more Super Bowls than the Houston Texans.

Dallas Cowboys vs. Seattle Seahawks

Onto the second game of the weekend, and this is almost the Alien vs. Predator of the NFL. Whoever wins, we all lose.

Or is that Cowboys v. Patriots?

Please for the love of fuck don’t let that be the Super Bowl.

(Actually to be fair, I don’t mind either the Seahawks or the Cowboys that much. The Luck-Wilson debate aside, I’ve got a couple of Seahawks fans mates on Twitter, hiya Mia, Joey and Stuart, so I quite like to see them do well, and the guy who got me into NFL is a Cowboys fan, hi Kris, so neither team is one I particularly dislike – Kyle might disagree with me here though!)

The first thing I remember about this game is an utterly gruesome injury. Allen Hurns was playing football at 7.45pm, and having surgery at 9.45pm. Learned that from Peter King. It was a really, really horrible injury, and you don’t like to see it happen to anyone, no matter who you support, no matter who you root for or against, you don’t wish that kind of injury on anyone. Wishing all the best to Allen Hurns for his recovery, and hopefully see him back on the football field as soon as possible.

It was nice to see both teams giving Hurns their support as he left the field, though. One of the medics had a Cowboy hat on. Only in Texas, huh?

Seriously though, once again, best wishes to Allen Hurns.

It was a very slow first half beyond that, with both offences struggling and defences ruling the game. The Cowboys threw the first touchdown of the day to Michael Gallup to send the game to a 10-6 halftime. Sebastian Janikowski got injured on a 57 yard field goal attempt…meaning that punter Michael Dickson was the next man up for kicking field goals.

That’s Michael Dickson, known for his Drop Kick Punts.

Oh dear.

Dickson provided the half-time entertainment, by practising field goal kicks – and missing them.

Hmm…missed field goals. I feel this is going to be an important storyline later in the weekend.

Unfortunately the Seahawks denied us this by not attempting any more field goals in the entirety of the rest of the game. This game did come alive, finally, in the second half, as the Seahawks scored a touchdown with a Russell Wilson run on 2^nd and Goal – and then, somewhat disappointingly, went for 2. It would extend the lead to four – and was absolutely the correct call, but still. I wanted to see Dickson go for the extra point. 14-10.

Early in the fourth, Ezekiel Elliott ran in a touchdown to retake the lead for the Cowboys. Dak was then picked off in the endzone by KJ Wright, an interception that gave the Seahawks a chance in this game, another touchdown would have likely been the dagger. However, the Cowboys then got the touchdown on the next drive – a 3^rd and 14 ending in an utterly hilarious, ridiculous cartwheel into the endzone by Dak Prescott at the end of an impressive run. I’m not sure the cartwheel was intentional – it was definitely entertaining, but absolutely no chance it was intentional.

Except it wasn’t in the endzone. He was ruled down at the half yard line. Prescott then got the ball in the endzone on the next play on a QB Sneak. Not quite as fun as the cartwheel, but still, QB Sneaks are pretty fun in their own right.

However it wasn’t over quite yet. The Seahawks drove up the field with a Tyler Lockett catch being the catalyst to a fourth down and four – the Seahawks elected to go for it, rather than making it a touchdown game. 4^th Down and Season…and they get it. The Hawks then elected to go for two…my God they really don’t want to let Dickson kick a field goal or extra point, do they? It worked though, they got the 2 point conversion. Two point game.

What happens if you recover the onside kick and get into Field Goal range, Seahawks? Are you going to let Dickson kick the Field Goal then?

…he’s kicking the onside kick. Good. His moment to shine.

Finally!

…and in the worst onside kick I’ve ever seen, Dickson dropped kicked it over EVERYONE in the Cowboys special teams and it ended up in the hands of Cole Beasley. Game over.

The Seahawks head for the offseason. I don’t think there’ll be wholesale changes in Seattle, all things considered, this was not an unsuccessful year for them. After the dismantling of the Legion of Boom and the whole Earl Thomas drama, they did very well to make the playoffs. I mean there’s no chance for Earl Thomas being back in Seattle after the way he left, flipping off the fans on the golf cart, but apart from that, might just be business as usual for the Hawks. They might have to get used to Wildcard away games though. Gonna be tricky for them to top the Rams in the next few years. But in the meantime, to quote Frasier: Goodnight, Seattle.

Meanwhile, the Cowboys have won a playoff game for the first time in four years, since the win over Detroit. Their reward for this would be depending on the Bears v Eagles game. Could we see a Cowboys run to the Super Bowl, the year after they hosted the Draft? Hey, it worked for Philadelphia…

Oh no.

Baltimore Ravens vs. Los Angeles Chargers

Lamar Jackson’s first ever playoff start up against Phil Rivers and his Chargers. Hey, has anyone mentioned how many kids Phil Rivers has got? Nine, isn’t it? If you add him and his wife, he could actually set up his own starting offence.

After the Chargers got an early three and out – I mean, a swing play on three and 2? Come on lads, this game got off to an utterly insane start on the Ravens first drive, as Lamar Jackson dropped the ball, recovered it and then almost threw a completion for a first down. And then he fumbled it again, and the Ravens recovered. And then he fumbled it again. He wasn’t so lucky on the third attempt, as the Chargers recovered the ball. We have ourselves some playoff clownball, people. And I don’t mean TY Hilton’s mask.

Baltimore, Buttermore, Fumblemore. The Dad jokes kept on coming.

The Chargers could only get three out of it though, as Melvin Gordon got himself injured and taken off to the locker room. He came back later in the day, thankfully, but he needs to be careful. I’ll need him for next season’s fantasy team. (If I get the chance to draft him again. We’ll see.)

Lamar Jackson trying to completely disregard the whistle and the fact he was down to run for a first down was an early highlight of this game. The internet was surprised as the Chargers finally have a kicker who can actually make field goals. Yeah. I’m surprised too. His nickname’s the Money Badger. I kinda sorta love that. 6-0 Chargers.

Tony Romo mentioned that Phil Rivers was pissed off about something, and Ed Werder got offended. He was the only one. I mean, it’s hardly a swear. Come on, Ed.

Meanwhile Lamar Jackson was continuing to struggle. At one point, the Ravens had minus 2 passing yards. I’m not entirely sure how that is possible. How is that a thing? Two more field goals for the Chargers sent the game to halftime at 12-0. Some of the Ravens fans, and some of Twitter, were beginning to call for Joe Flacco to come into the game. To be fair, Flacco himself was being supportive of Lamar Jackson. More on Joe in a bit.

The first Ravens drive of the second half saw Lamar Jackson get utterly (drink) annihilated by Melvin Ingram. More calls for Flacco. To quote Ravens fan, sometime contributor to Go For It On Fourth and fellow Gentleman’s League member Marc though, “Blocking like that you could have Joe Montana in there it wouldn’t make much difference”.

He’s not wrong. The Ravens offensive line’s blocking was an omnishambles there.

A fumble recovery by Mosley on the Chargers next possession however, and we had a potential Gamechanger. A huge turnover for the Ravens. Unfortunately, they could only get the three points from a Field Goal. Still, points on the board.

And then Justin Tucker went and…missed a field goal. For the first time in the postseason.

That’s…

That’s a new one.

Refball struck, as TJ Watt rolled into the endzone, but it was not ruled as a touchdown…because, reasons? On the very next play, Melvin Gordon fumbled the ball after breaking the plain, and the Ravens returned it for a touchdown. Game on. Or not, as the case may be, as the touchdown was ruled out for BOTH teams. I mean, how often do you see that? Gordon was ruled down before the touchdown counted or the fumble counted. And then Melvin Gordon went and ran it in anyway. Dagger. A really, really bizarre sequence of events. The two point conversation was completed to Williams, wide open. 20-3, Chargers.

After a quick Ravens three and out and the crowd getting restless, the Chargers tacked on three more. Listen, I’m not used to this timeline where the Chargers have a competent kicker. It’s like the Browns being good. It just doesn’t make sense. But here we are.

Lamar Jackson took the Ravens down the field to give them a shot, finally getting yards and completing a 31 yarder to Crabtree for a touchdown. 23-10. An unsuccessful onside kick however the Ravens held the Chargers to a 3 and out, the Ravens drove again, and on 4^th and Season, they completed to Crabtree which was initially ruled as at the 1, but the review showed him coming out of the endzone to do it. Touchdown. 23-17. Very much a game here. The Ravens were able to get the ball back with less than a minute left, then the ball came out on a touch on Jackson, recovered by the Chargers. Game over. It’s almost beautiful (unless you’re a Ravens fan – sorry Marc!) how this game was bookended by two fumbles by Jackson.

The Ravens are out, and questions for the offseason resolve around one man – Joe Flacco. This is very much Lamar Jackson’s team now, that is for certain. Jackson stumbled through a lot of this game, found his feet towards the end, then an unfortunate fumble was the end – but he gave them a shot at winning. For a rookie in his first playoff game, I’ve seen a lot worse. Flacco, to his credit, was a good teammate to Jackson on Sunday, not complaining and actively shutting down a reporter’s question about whether he should have played. I think it’s likely Joe moves on – the Ravens can’t afford to keep him at that price as a backup QB, and this is Jackson’s team going forward. RGIII will likely continue on as the backup QB for the Ravens. So the question remains: where does Flacco end up? Miami? Tampa? New York? Jacksonville? That’s a huge question for the offseason, and one we’ll keep an eye on in the next few football-less months.

The Chargers continue on with a huge game coming up in the Divisional Round, going to Foxborough. The Chargers will be the twelfth different opponent for the Patriots in their last 12 playoff games, which is madness when you think about it. Philip Rivers has never beaten Tom Brady. Could this be the time? Rivers and the Chargers are playing very well offensively, and the defence has been very strong this year. You have to feel it’s now or never for Phil Rivers to win a Super Bowl ring. Can he? Well, we’ll see.

Chicago Bears vs. Philadelphia Eagles

The final game of Wildcard Weekend was the meeting of the Bears and the Eagles. The Eagles are only here in part due to the Bears – the Bears beating the Vikings, along with the Eagles beating the Washington D.C. Fitba Team allowed the Eagles to beat out the Vikings for the final spot.

An early field goal on the first drive for the Eagles was completely missed by me – I was cooking a pizza at the time. The pizza was pretty good, despite being a nightmare to try and get off the foil. Still tasted nice. Pepperoni, from Morrisons. Recommended.

We’re back from the ads and I joined the game pretty much into the Bears first drive. This also ended in a Field Goal. Honestly, the first half was quite uneventful until Nick Foles got picked off in the endzone. The Bears ran a two minute drive, and Trubisky almost had Anthony Miller for a pass, until it was broken up in the last seconds. They got up to the eleven yard mark, and then a chip shot for Parkey was good. 6-3, halftime. Parkey’s going well on the field goals today, huh?

That was pretty much the first half. Wasn’t very exciting, was it? Do you wanna hear more about my pizza?

…you don’t?

Aww, that’s ok.

Anyway, second half got going with some trick play that led to a Taylor Gabriel conversion for a first down. I do like me some trick plays. Trubisky got picked off, but it was out of bounds. A bit of a let-off for Da Bears. We also had a ruling on the field stands – no clear recovery on the field, so it’s ruled as an incomplete pass. But it was completed. And it made no sense. Refball strikes again. A clear PI, or “attempted murder” as it was described by an Eagles supporting mate of mine, put the Eagles in prime position to score, and Big Dick Nick did the rest. 10-6, Eagles.

The Bears tacked on another field goal. Huh, Cody Parkey keeps making field goals. Good for him. 10-9. The Bears on their next possession marched down the field, and Trubisky completed to Allen Robinson in the endzone. 15-10. Two point conversion…no good. Still 15-10, Bears. Huh. That two point conversion failure might be quite important, you know?

Then Big Dick Nick, ice in his veins, took the Eagles down the field. Three failed attempts on Goal, and we were once again 4^th and Season. This is very much a theme of this weekend, isn’t it? Foles then completed to Golden Tate for the score. Cool as you like. Touchdown Eagles. 16-15. Another important two point conversion coming up that the Eagles had to go for. If they get it, it’s a field goal game.

They didn’t get it.

Although I thought they got it. It looked like the diving attempt broke the plain.

It was ruled to be just short.

To quote a Twitter follow of mine: “Game of inches. All of them are attached to Nick Foles”

Regardless, I thought it was in. Huge difference. One point game, one final drive for Da Bears.

They’re in field goal range.

Cody Parkey has made every one of his field goals today.

He lines up, kicks…and it’s good! The Bears wi…oh wait, hold on…Doug Pederson called a timeout just before the snap.

Icing the kicker is still the greatest shithouse move possible.

Okay, Parkey has to take another shot at this.

“Hey, remember that time Parkey hit the upright four times in one game?” – my Twitter right before his second attempt at the kick.

No pressure.

The ball is up…

POST.

BAR.

OUT.

Game over. Season over. The Eagles win. The Bears lose.

Game of fucking inches.

What a sport.

The best sport in the world.

An absolute heartbreaker of a way for the Bears season to end. On the replay, it looked like it was tipped by Treyvon Hester. But still, an utter heartbreaker for Cody Parkey to miss like that.

A nod to the Bears mascot for the way he flopped to the ground after the miss. Commitment to the character.

The Bears season comes to an end, but they’ve come a hell of a long way. From afterthought to NFC North Champions in one season. With that defence, and Trubisky, they’ll definitely be back.

The Eagles’ miracle run continues for the second consecutive season. I’m almost convinced Nick Foles can’t lose. He’s incredible. Big Dick Nick is right. The question is in the offseason: where will he end up? Is he the better option than Carson Wentz? I personally believe he’s the better Quarterback right now, and the Eagles are a better team with Foles at QB. I guess we’ll see. It’s a question that has to wait for now, as the Eagles head to the Saints for the divisional round.

Seth Rollins hates everything.

Particularly football.

On a final note, to quote a response to a swear filled meltdown from a fan leaving the stadium directed at Cody Parkey:

“Everyone tried their best and had fun playing that’s what matters in the end.”

Oh my God.

And that'll do it for the Wildcard Weekend! We are now onto the Divisionals.

And of course, that means starting with...

Kansas City Chiefs v. Indianapolis Colts

Here we go, 1-0.

Huge game for us tonight. I'm nervous, I'm excited, I'm up for it. Typing this has made this text go blue, or it did initially, so I'm taking that as a good sign.

Honestly, you take all the omens you can get at this point. The good ones, anyway.

This will be a massively tough game. Mahomes has been brilliant this year and will likely be the MVP. We'll need to take away Tyreek Hill and Travis Kelce. That defence can be got at though, and we need to take Hill and Kelce out of the game, limit their running game, and get in Mahomes' face, and protect Luck and Mack and let them do their thing.

And it's snowing. It might benefit our run game more. Our run defence has been superb this year, as has Marlon Mack.

I'm taking the upset here. I'm taking the Colts.

I believe.

1-0 this week.

Los Angeles Rams v. Dallas Cowboys

This is gonna be an interesting one. I initially had the Bears going to the NFC Championship, but then bar, post, out, happened and that put the kibosh on that idea. So, I think I'll go with the Rams here. I honestly think Jared Goff and Todd Gurley might be too much for that Cowboys' defence, as good as it is, and it's gonna be tough for Dak Prescott to get going against that Rams defence and Aaron Donald in particular. For Dallas to win, they're gonna need to shut down Goff and Gurley, and they're going to need to rely on Zeke to be at his best. I think this might be closer than people think, and the Rams haven't been great down the stretch so the upset possibility is there, but I reckon they just sneak through into the NFC Championship.

Los Angeles Chargers v. New England Patriots

The Chargers, by right of beating the Ravens, get a lovely trip to the Death Star to take on the Empire. And this is one I'm genuinely deliberating on. The Chargers have been arguably the second best team in the AFC this season behind the Chiefs - if you believe the records, they are - and they will provide a stern test to the Pats. The Empire have been 8-0 at home though - they've been shaky on the road, they're not quite the Patriots of old, but I reckon they just get through. It's unfortunately still difficult to bet against the Pats at home. Patriots.

New Orleans Saints v. Philadelphia Eagles

The Eagles have been better with Big Dick Nick under centre in recent weeks, and after the Bears helped them into the playoffs, they thanked the Bears by beating them. Well, them and Cody Parkey hitting the upright again. Their reward? A trip to the first seeded New Orleans Saints and the Superdome. As good as the Eagles have been, the Saints have been the best team in the league this season and I honestly think they'll win through over the Champs. Saints.

And that'll do it for the lengthy review and admittedly rushed picks as I'm going out for dinner soon.

In the meantime,

GO COLTS. 1-0