NFL Divisional Round Review: By Kyle Balfour
The Superbowl is under 3 weeks away! The Semi-final stage is set for this Sunday, Sunday, Sunday with the American and National Conference Championships.
Let us see who will be entering for the illustrious honour of participating in the Super Bowl as we review the Divisional Round games.
Game 1
Kansas City Chiefs vs Indianapolis Colts
Arrowhead Stadium, Kansas City, Missouri
Final Score: Chiefs 31-13 Colts
I tried to locate Tomlin for commentary, but he was too busy listening to R.E.M's "Everybody Hurts" on repeat.
So...this game! The Chiefs looking to lock away their first home playoff victory since the Joe Montana retirement tour of the 1993-1994 season, and the Colts looking to go "1-0" each and every week (that's the mentality - take everyday one at a time to go 1-0. Not just for playoff victories, although that was a pretty badly timed coincidence. Now available on a t-shirt, too! Perfect for next season!)
Chiefs jump out to an early lead thanks to the wizardry of one (or the 2nd, I should say) Pat Mahomes. He's just phenomenal to watch, isn't he? The Colts try their best efforts to keep up, but they just couldn't match the Chiefs. Don't get me wrong, this wasn't a blowout: the Colts O-line was some of the best, giving Luck all the time in the world to get off a good throw, but just everything else was going wrong for them. A run shutdown here, a dropped pass there, a batted down ball over there, even Adam Vinatieri pulling a Blair Walsh and missing the shortest field goal attempt of his seemingly eternal career, and when Mr. Clutch isn't getting it done, you know something's wrong. A small gasp of optimism came after a blocked punt returned for a touchdown, but it still wasn't enough. Also, off-side calls this post-season are becoming worthy of a drinking game at this rate...
As all of that was going wrong for the Colts, the 2 headed monster of Travis Kelce and Tyreek Hill rained hellfire down upon the Colts defence - even Sammy Watkins showed up for a little bit; and Damien Williams, the former backup to Kareem Hunt, was able to run the ball very well all things considered. Even the defence stepped up!
The Chiefs win and secure home field advantage for the AFC Championship game against either the Chargers or the Patriots. They look like every part as advertised, and are a genuine threat. Regardless of whether their defence is suspect, and regardless of the voodoo magic that Andy Reid apparently has over playoff performances, or the absence of Kareem Hunt: this might be the time he gets his ring at long last. Either that, or he can just go ahead and mentor another generation of phenomenal coaches for the league to be blessed with.
Colts fans, do not fret. Hold your heads high! Your team is good again. Luck is back and to full form! Your run game is good, T.Y. Hilton is still amazing, and your o-line is envious (especially for someone like me...). Your team went 5-1, was 32nd in the league's power rankings (that's bottom of the table, by the way), and you rattled off 9-10 down the stretch, made the playoffs, embarrassed your divisional rivals in the Houston Texans, and you bow out to a team that, let's face it, was always bound to challenge for the Super Bowl. You have the highest salary cap space in the league, Frank Reich is establishing a fantastic culture down in Indianapolis, and Chris Ballard knows he has both an exciting and crucial off-season ahead of him. You have genuine, unfiltered hope once again - embrace it.
You are truly Colts Forged. Now and forever.
Tomlin's Take: "EVERYBODY HURTSSSSSSSS....SOMETIMES."
*Ahem*
I wasn't planning on commenting on anything but the Rams game, but I felt I had to put something in about my own team. Yes, this game was an utter heartbreaker and I really hate the fact that the Colts saved their worst performance of the season for the biggest game so far. Though there's a hell of a lot of hope in Indianapolis. From 1-5 to "1-0", from dead in the water to alive and in the postseason, with the most cap room in the NFL next season, a healthy Andrew Luck and an exciting young roster, I'm massively excited for next season. Go Colts!
Game 2
Los Angeles Rams vs Dallas Cowboys
L.A. Memorial Coliseum, Los Angeles, California
Final Score: Rams 30-22 Cowboys
I didn't watch this game, so I'll let Tomlin cover this one!
I did see the highlights. For me, it was just another case of the Cowboys being unable to keep up. It also helped that the Rams were able to shut down the Cowboys run game, and C.J. "my role model is Eddie Lacy" Anderson hulking out to a very impressive game. Either he is in a bit of weight issue, or because he knows he'd never replace Todd Gurley, has probably bulked up to a fullback. Either way, it's just nice to see him play and get results. I'll never forget his overtime swing route run against the Patriots when he was at Denver.
Also something about probably the worst referee call this season? I dunno...Tomlin, take the wheel!
Tomlin's take: I missed the start of this game as I was heading back from Bridge Street, so I came into the game at 7-3. The Rams failed in the RedZone on the first drive of the game so had to settle for three, and the Cowboys had a touchdown midway through the first quarter. So that's what I missed. C.J. Anderson seems to be reincarnated again and he looks like he might even get his second Super Bowl ring. We might end up in a timeline where C.J. Anderson is a two-time Super Bowl Champion. How about that? I'm pretty sure he's been on three rosters this year? Correct me if I'm wrong? Well, Anderson got the first touchdown of the day for the Rams after two RedZone stalls, and Todd Gurley added to the total before the end of the half. The Rams were pretty much killing the Cowboys on the ground in the first half of the game.
The Rams attempted a 63-yard field goal at the end of the half, that would have been the NFL record. It was nowhere near. I mean, that's fair, it's pretty much the Hail Mary of kicking, it's not easy to kick a ball 63 yards.
The Rams then made a 44 yard field goal to almost turn this into a laugher, but then the Cowboys made it somewhat competitive, firstly with an impressive Dak Prescott drive topped off by an Elliott TD run into the endzone, followed by a successful 2-point conversion throw to Amari Cooper. The impressive L.A. defence stuffed the Cowboys and Elliott on a 4th and 1. A Quarterback sneak on the goal-line was unsuccessful from Goff, but a touchdown run into the endzone by C.J. Anderson (again) made it 30-15. On 4th and Season (4th and 1), Prescott kept the ball and ran it in for the first down. Another 4th and Season (4th and 3) saw the Cowboys throw an incomplete, but because it's the Cowboys, it was ruled as pass interference. Well, that, and because it was massive amounts of pass interference... Prescott then punched it in on a keep on 2nd and Goal. A first down from Goff followed by a first down from, yep, C.J. Anderson, ended the game and sent the Rams to the NFC Championship.
I still think both of these teams would struggle in the Superdome, to be honest, but this was a competitive game and about as fun to watch as possible after you've just seen your team crash out of the playoffs. Good luck to the Rams on Sunday, though. They'll need it.
CC: @OldTakesExposed.
I now refer you back to your regularly scheduled Kyle.
Game 3
New England Patriots vs Los Angeles Chargers
Gillette Stadium, Foxborough, Massachusetts
Final Score: Patriots 41-28 Chargers
Oh my god, this fucking game...no, Tomlin, it's fine, I've got this...just...give me a minute, and like 6 beers...
SO...The Chargers!...After coming off one of their best seasons in nearly a fucking decade, unfortunately had to settle for being in the same division as those god damn Chiefs, and had to play the wildcard route to get here. They stifled the no. 1 ranked defence in the Baltimore Ravens and exploited how raw the Ravens run heavy offence was with their also strong defence. They had hope, they had potential, and then they walked into Foxborough, and they didn't learn a fucking thing!
What made the Chargers win against the Ravens? Why, a strong pass rush and silencing any run game coupled with zone defence in case of a pass. What's that? Tom Brady and the Patriots excel at ripping apart zone defence with surgical like precision that slowly, but surely eeks out yardage that inevitably lands in the end zone? Let's shake it up to man-to-man coverage, then! What's that? Sony Michel isn't a scrub and punches through open holes in our defensive line, and he's accounted for 3 touchdowns?! Let's go back to zone D again!
It was literally that all game. The Chargers could never find a rhythm against the Patriots, and the Patriots exploited that every step of the way. The Chargers lacked effective defensive plays, as well as strong offensive gains (outside of a very early bomb from Philip Rivers to Keenan Allen, but after that the Patriots never stopped!). The Patriots proceed to burn the clock, boast an amazing offensive line, and Brady picks the Chargers D apart piece by piece, punishing every single weakness possible, edging out 1st downs time and time! Yeah, the Chargers got 2 late ones, but let's be clear: that was garbage time, and there was no chance in hell they would ever get back into it. In a more accurate world, the score is 38-14.
It was both a slog and a massive inconvenience to sit through as a neutral. As a Chargers' fan, I am so sorry for those of you who are still here to be a fan of this team; to be rewarded for your efforts with a fantastic season, and they blow it like this. This was Apollo Creed vs Ivan Drago in Rocky IV: throw the damn towel!
The Patriots continue en route to the AFC Championship for the 9th year in a fucking row. Seriously, you waltz into that place the same way I walk into Subway. Yet you somehow think you're the underdog in this scenario? Seriously?!! The Bill Bellichek/Tom Brady era New England Patriots, the modern day dynasty, the empire, the system, and you think that just because you've had the weakest season in nearly a decade you think that you're the underdogs in this situation? Give me a fucking break! Oh, trust me, I have a lot planned for that narrative for the upcoming preview, but seriously: abandon that mentality right the fuck now. I don't even care if you win it, that is not in spite of you overcoming the odds - it is because you are the New England Patriots, and you will do your job and win, not because you're the plucky underdog. Fuck right off you spoilt, entitled twats!
Game 4
New Orleans Saints vs Philadelphia Eagles
Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Final Score: Saints 20-14 Eagles
Now this was more like it! Not just because the Eagles lost in heartbreaking fashion, but because it was also a very good game. If only last years Minneapolis Miracle hadn't happened, we could've been treated to an NFC Championship game like this!
Eagles start out hilariously strong. Deferring the opening kick off only for Drew Brees to be intercepted on the very first throw of the game. So much for that option... After that, the Eagles get to work, setting up Jordan Matthews for a touchdown bomb, and then marching right back to the end zone for Big Dick Nick Foles to heave a top of the pile touchdown of his own.
The Saints looked shocked and stunned...but hey, it's only the 1st quarter...
Then the Eagles suffered a small out burst of plague...O-linesman Brandon Brooks carted off due to a leg injury, then Fletcher Cox (who did later return in the 3rd) and Rasul Douglas, then when they needed them the most in the 4th quarter, Cox went down again (came back a few minutes later. Tough son of a bitch.) and Jason Peters also got injured.
With the momentum hanging in the balance, Saints looked to get back the lead. They respond with a couple wildcat plays (one after the other, by the way...first one failed, second one worked.), then pull off a fake punt (love me a fake punt), then edge out yardage slowly, but surely, until Drew Brees finds Keith Kirkwood in the end zone to get on the board.
One Will Lultz field goal and a drive that felt like it would last forever later, and the Saints take the lead 17-14. After that, the Eagles never recovered. Another field goal, and then a costly interception by Alshon "best hands in the league" Jeffrey buries any chance to come back.
Saints march onward to face the Rams, while the Eagles find themselves at multiple crossroads:
First off, the quarterback debate: Carson Wentz or Nick Foles? Unfortunately, you cannot keep both. One must go. Wholesome narrative says that you keep Carson Wentz, because this was only his 3rd season, but once again he got injured; or you play the hot hand and keep Foles around because as much as it may pain you to think and realise: he makes the team better; but for how long will this happen?
That's not even getting into the laundry list of pending free agents this off-season:
-Again, possibly, Nick Foles
-Brandon Graham
-Golden Tate (worth it?)
-Darren Sproles (retirement?)
-Jay Ajayi
-Ronald Darby
-Jordan Hicks
-Jordan Matthews
-Chris Long
-Haloti Ngata
-Mike Wallace
-Chris Maragos
-Nat Sudfeld (Restrcited)
This isn't just a list of depth pieces or rentals, these are key pieces to your team!
It also doesn't help that you have the lowest cap space available in the league. Sadly: change needs to happen!
So there you go! The Divisional Round wrapped up and we move onward to the penultimate stop on this long journey: The Conference Championship games! Preview will be up in time for those!
Thank you very much for your patience and time reading this. Enjoy your weekend and we'll see you on Sunday!
Let us see who will be entering for the illustrious honour of participating in the Super Bowl as we review the Divisional Round games.
Game 1
Kansas City Chiefs vs Indianapolis Colts
Arrowhead Stadium, Kansas City, Missouri
Final Score: Chiefs 31-13 Colts
I tried to locate Tomlin for commentary, but he was too busy listening to R.E.M's "Everybody Hurts" on repeat.
So...this game! The Chiefs looking to lock away their first home playoff victory since the Joe Montana retirement tour of the 1993-1994 season, and the Colts looking to go "1-0" each and every week (that's the mentality - take everyday one at a time to go 1-0. Not just for playoff victories, although that was a pretty badly timed coincidence. Now available on a t-shirt, too! Perfect for next season!)
Chiefs jump out to an early lead thanks to the wizardry of one (or the 2nd, I should say) Pat Mahomes. He's just phenomenal to watch, isn't he? The Colts try their best efforts to keep up, but they just couldn't match the Chiefs. Don't get me wrong, this wasn't a blowout: the Colts O-line was some of the best, giving Luck all the time in the world to get off a good throw, but just everything else was going wrong for them. A run shutdown here, a dropped pass there, a batted down ball over there, even Adam Vinatieri pulling a Blair Walsh and missing the shortest field goal attempt of his seemingly eternal career, and when Mr. Clutch isn't getting it done, you know something's wrong. A small gasp of optimism came after a blocked punt returned for a touchdown, but it still wasn't enough. Also, off-side calls this post-season are becoming worthy of a drinking game at this rate...
As all of that was going wrong for the Colts, the 2 headed monster of Travis Kelce and Tyreek Hill rained hellfire down upon the Colts defence - even Sammy Watkins showed up for a little bit; and Damien Williams, the former backup to Kareem Hunt, was able to run the ball very well all things considered. Even the defence stepped up!
The Chiefs win and secure home field advantage for the AFC Championship game against either the Chargers or the Patriots. They look like every part as advertised, and are a genuine threat. Regardless of whether their defence is suspect, and regardless of the voodoo magic that Andy Reid apparently has over playoff performances, or the absence of Kareem Hunt: this might be the time he gets his ring at long last. Either that, or he can just go ahead and mentor another generation of phenomenal coaches for the league to be blessed with.
Colts fans, do not fret. Hold your heads high! Your team is good again. Luck is back and to full form! Your run game is good, T.Y. Hilton is still amazing, and your o-line is envious (especially for someone like me...). Your team went 5-1, was 32nd in the league's power rankings (that's bottom of the table, by the way), and you rattled off 9-10 down the stretch, made the playoffs, embarrassed your divisional rivals in the Houston Texans, and you bow out to a team that, let's face it, was always bound to challenge for the Super Bowl. You have the highest salary cap space in the league, Frank Reich is establishing a fantastic culture down in Indianapolis, and Chris Ballard knows he has both an exciting and crucial off-season ahead of him. You have genuine, unfiltered hope once again - embrace it.
You are truly Colts Forged. Now and forever.
Tomlin's Take: "EVERYBODY HURTSSSSSSSS....SOMETIMES."
*Ahem*
I wasn't planning on commenting on anything but the Rams game, but I felt I had to put something in about my own team. Yes, this game was an utter heartbreaker and I really hate the fact that the Colts saved their worst performance of the season for the biggest game so far. Though there's a hell of a lot of hope in Indianapolis. From 1-5 to "1-0", from dead in the water to alive and in the postseason, with the most cap room in the NFL next season, a healthy Andrew Luck and an exciting young roster, I'm massively excited for next season. Go Colts!
Game 2
Los Angeles Rams vs Dallas Cowboys
L.A. Memorial Coliseum, Los Angeles, California
Final Score: Rams 30-22 Cowboys
I didn't watch this game, so I'll let Tomlin cover this one!
I did see the highlights. For me, it was just another case of the Cowboys being unable to keep up. It also helped that the Rams were able to shut down the Cowboys run game, and C.J. "my role model is Eddie Lacy" Anderson hulking out to a very impressive game. Either he is in a bit of weight issue, or because he knows he'd never replace Todd Gurley, has probably bulked up to a fullback. Either way, it's just nice to see him play and get results. I'll never forget his overtime swing route run against the Patriots when he was at Denver.
Also something about probably the worst referee call this season? I dunno...Tomlin, take the wheel!
Tomlin's take: I missed the start of this game as I was heading back from Bridge Street, so I came into the game at 7-3. The Rams failed in the RedZone on the first drive of the game so had to settle for three, and the Cowboys had a touchdown midway through the first quarter. So that's what I missed. C.J. Anderson seems to be reincarnated again and he looks like he might even get his second Super Bowl ring. We might end up in a timeline where C.J. Anderson is a two-time Super Bowl Champion. How about that? I'm pretty sure he's been on three rosters this year? Correct me if I'm wrong? Well, Anderson got the first touchdown of the day for the Rams after two RedZone stalls, and Todd Gurley added to the total before the end of the half. The Rams were pretty much killing the Cowboys on the ground in the first half of the game.
The Rams attempted a 63-yard field goal at the end of the half, that would have been the NFL record. It was nowhere near. I mean, that's fair, it's pretty much the Hail Mary of kicking, it's not easy to kick a ball 63 yards.
The Rams then made a 44 yard field goal to almost turn this into a laugher, but then the Cowboys made it somewhat competitive, firstly with an impressive Dak Prescott drive topped off by an Elliott TD run into the endzone, followed by a successful 2-point conversion throw to Amari Cooper. The impressive L.A. defence stuffed the Cowboys and Elliott on a 4th and 1. A Quarterback sneak on the goal-line was unsuccessful from Goff, but a touchdown run into the endzone by C.J. Anderson (again) made it 30-15. On 4th and Season (4th and 1), Prescott kept the ball and ran it in for the first down. Another 4th and Season (4th and 3) saw the Cowboys throw an incomplete, but because it's the Cowboys, it was ruled as pass interference. Well, that, and because it was massive amounts of pass interference... Prescott then punched it in on a keep on 2nd and Goal. A first down from Goff followed by a first down from, yep, C.J. Anderson, ended the game and sent the Rams to the NFC Championship.
I still think both of these teams would struggle in the Superdome, to be honest, but this was a competitive game and about as fun to watch as possible after you've just seen your team crash out of the playoffs. Good luck to the Rams on Sunday, though. They'll need it.
CC: @OldTakesExposed.
I now refer you back to your regularly scheduled Kyle.
Game 3
New England Patriots vs Los Angeles Chargers
Gillette Stadium, Foxborough, Massachusetts
Final Score: Patriots 41-28 Chargers
Oh my god, this fucking game...no, Tomlin, it's fine, I've got this...just...give me a minute, and like 6 beers...
SO...The Chargers!...After coming off one of their best seasons in nearly a fucking decade, unfortunately had to settle for being in the same division as those god damn Chiefs, and had to play the wildcard route to get here. They stifled the no. 1 ranked defence in the Baltimore Ravens and exploited how raw the Ravens run heavy offence was with their also strong defence. They had hope, they had potential, and then they walked into Foxborough, and they didn't learn a fucking thing!
What made the Chargers win against the Ravens? Why, a strong pass rush and silencing any run game coupled with zone defence in case of a pass. What's that? Tom Brady and the Patriots excel at ripping apart zone defence with surgical like precision that slowly, but surely eeks out yardage that inevitably lands in the end zone? Let's shake it up to man-to-man coverage, then! What's that? Sony Michel isn't a scrub and punches through open holes in our defensive line, and he's accounted for 3 touchdowns?! Let's go back to zone D again!
It was literally that all game. The Chargers could never find a rhythm against the Patriots, and the Patriots exploited that every step of the way. The Chargers lacked effective defensive plays, as well as strong offensive gains (outside of a very early bomb from Philip Rivers to Keenan Allen, but after that the Patriots never stopped!). The Patriots proceed to burn the clock, boast an amazing offensive line, and Brady picks the Chargers D apart piece by piece, punishing every single weakness possible, edging out 1st downs time and time! Yeah, the Chargers got 2 late ones, but let's be clear: that was garbage time, and there was no chance in hell they would ever get back into it. In a more accurate world, the score is 38-14.
It was both a slog and a massive inconvenience to sit through as a neutral. As a Chargers' fan, I am so sorry for those of you who are still here to be a fan of this team; to be rewarded for your efforts with a fantastic season, and they blow it like this. This was Apollo Creed vs Ivan Drago in Rocky IV: throw the damn towel!
The Patriots continue en route to the AFC Championship for the 9th year in a fucking row. Seriously, you waltz into that place the same way I walk into Subway. Yet you somehow think you're the underdog in this scenario? Seriously?!! The Bill Bellichek/Tom Brady era New England Patriots, the modern day dynasty, the empire, the system, and you think that just because you've had the weakest season in nearly a decade you think that you're the underdogs in this situation? Give me a fucking break! Oh, trust me, I have a lot planned for that narrative for the upcoming preview, but seriously: abandon that mentality right the fuck now. I don't even care if you win it, that is not in spite of you overcoming the odds - it is because you are the New England Patriots, and you will do your job and win, not because you're the plucky underdog. Fuck right off you spoilt, entitled twats!
Game 4
New Orleans Saints vs Philadelphia Eagles
Mercedes-Benz Superdome, New Orleans, Louisiana
Final Score: Saints 20-14 Eagles
Now this was more like it! Not just because the Eagles lost in heartbreaking fashion, but because it was also a very good game. If only last years Minneapolis Miracle hadn't happened, we could've been treated to an NFC Championship game like this!
Eagles start out hilariously strong. Deferring the opening kick off only for Drew Brees to be intercepted on the very first throw of the game. So much for that option... After that, the Eagles get to work, setting up Jordan Matthews for a touchdown bomb, and then marching right back to the end zone for Big Dick Nick Foles to heave a top of the pile touchdown of his own.
The Saints looked shocked and stunned...but hey, it's only the 1st quarter...
Then the Eagles suffered a small out burst of plague...O-linesman Brandon Brooks carted off due to a leg injury, then Fletcher Cox (who did later return in the 3rd) and Rasul Douglas, then when they needed them the most in the 4th quarter, Cox went down again (came back a few minutes later. Tough son of a bitch.) and Jason Peters also got injured.
With the momentum hanging in the balance, Saints looked to get back the lead. They respond with a couple wildcat plays (one after the other, by the way...first one failed, second one worked.), then pull off a fake punt (love me a fake punt), then edge out yardage slowly, but surely, until Drew Brees finds Keith Kirkwood in the end zone to get on the board.
One Will Lultz field goal and a drive that felt like it would last forever later, and the Saints take the lead 17-14. After that, the Eagles never recovered. Another field goal, and then a costly interception by Alshon "best hands in the league" Jeffrey buries any chance to come back.
Saints march onward to face the Rams, while the Eagles find themselves at multiple crossroads:
First off, the quarterback debate: Carson Wentz or Nick Foles? Unfortunately, you cannot keep both. One must go. Wholesome narrative says that you keep Carson Wentz, because this was only his 3rd season, but once again he got injured; or you play the hot hand and keep Foles around because as much as it may pain you to think and realise: he makes the team better; but for how long will this happen?
That's not even getting into the laundry list of pending free agents this off-season:
-Again, possibly, Nick Foles
-Brandon Graham
-Golden Tate (worth it?)
-Darren Sproles (retirement?)
-Jay Ajayi
-Ronald Darby
-Jordan Hicks
-Jordan Matthews
-Chris Long
-Haloti Ngata
-Mike Wallace
-Chris Maragos
-Nat Sudfeld (Restrcited)
This isn't just a list of depth pieces or rentals, these are key pieces to your team!
It also doesn't help that you have the lowest cap space available in the league. Sadly: change needs to happen!
So there you go! The Divisional Round wrapped up and we move onward to the penultimate stop on this long journey: The Conference Championship games! Preview will be up in time for those!
Thank you very much for your patience and time reading this. Enjoy your weekend and we'll see you on Sunday!
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