Week 7 Review By Stuart Tomlin

And so, another week is in the books.

Was quite an eventful one this week, wasn’t it? Drew Brees broke another record. Justin Tucker missed an extra point for the first time. Jacksonville Jaguars players tried to fight each other. Their fans tried to fight Texans fans. Cleveland went to overtime AGAIN. There was a Wembley game that ended in exciting fashion.

This week really did have it all.

And the Colts won, too!

Let’s get to it, shall we?

Arizona Cardinals v. Denver Broncos
University of Phoenix State Farm Stadium, Glendale, Arizona

I have no idea what order that’s supposed to be in for the stadium, or whether the original name should have been taken out.

At the start of Thursday night, I decided it was a good idea to take a roll on my predictions, and select Arizona to win this week.

I’ve been selected for the NFL’s random drug testing program next week.

What the hell was this game? This was over 20 seconds into the Second Quarter. The Cardinals were down 28 to 3. David Johnson and Larry Fitzgerald are being utterly wasted on this binfire of a team this season. This might be Fitz’s last season, too. What a shame. He deserved one more chance to compete for a title.

Good performance by the Broncos though. Bradley Chubb is starting to live up to potential with 5 sacks in the last two games. Him and Von Miller together will be scary for years to come, even if it’s not the vaunted Broncos defence of 2015.

The Cardinals welcome the Niners in a Toilet Bowl game Sunday, while the Broncos have the mammoth task of heading to Arrowhead to face the Chiefs.

Josh Rosen said there were nine mistakes made in the Draft before he was chosen at number ten. Based on the last few weeks – and it is still early to be fair - there probably should have been a fair few more.

Also, fair play to the Cardinals social media team, who replaced the final game score with a GIF of puppies. That’s the wholesome kind of content we all can appreciate.

Final Score: Cardinals 10, Broncos 45

Los Angeles Chargers v. Ten Fucking Titans
Wembley Stadium, London, England

First off, a shout out to NFL Network reporter Melissa Stark, who took a football to the head in the buildup to this game and continued reporting like it was nothing. Absolute professional.

Second off, this game probably had more fans than any Chargers game at StubHub Center this season.

COMBINED.

Melvin Gordon was out and my fantasy team absolutely wept.

Despite this, it was a fun game to watch for the (semi-) neutral (I was rooting for the Chargers due to divisional rivalries).

Rivers played well. Mariota threw his first INT in the RedZone in his career.

The Chargers’ powder blue unis are amongst the best in the NFL and they should keep them permanently.

The Titans got a touchdown in the dying seconds that would tie the game…

Except they went for two.

And missed.

And they got another crack at it due to a holding penalty.

And missed again.

Absolute Vraballs but you do have to kinda question it when overtime would have been certain with the Field Goal. Then again, Justin Tucker missed in that exact same situation (we’ll get to that), so…it’s ballsy. You gotta admire that.

Didn’t pay off this time though.

Due to the London game, both teams are on bye next weekend.

The Chargers aren’t popular in Los Angeles or San Diego.

Maybe they should just move to London?

Final Score: Chargers 20, Titans 19

Philadelphia Eagles v. Carolina Panthers
Lincoln Financial Field, Philadelphia, Pennslyvania

The Super Bowl Champion Philadelphia Eagles blew a 17-point lead.

Damn it Carolina, why are you doing that whole thing where you win when I don’t pick you, but lose when I pick you thing again?

This game looked very dead and buried, and the Eagles were doing their group celebrations again at 17-0. Then Cam Newton turned up and started throwing touchdowns for days.

My fantasy opponent had Newton.

269 passing yards, 2 passing TDs, 49 rushing yards, 25.66 fantasy points.

For fuck’s sake.

Some comeback for the Panthers. They still have a fighting chance in the NFC South. Gonna be hard to top a surging Saints, though.

The Eagles right now are falling to absolute bits. Even in a weak NFC East, hard to see them defending their title this season.

The Eagles go to London next weekend to take on the Jaguars in the final Wembley game of the season, while the Panthers meet the Ravens in the Steve Smith Sr. Derby.

Think the highlight of this game was Eric Reid trying to fight the entire Eagles offence. That was fun.

Final Score: Eagles 17, Panthers 21.

New York Jets v. Minnesota Vikings
MetLife Stadium, East Rutherford, New Jersey

The Jets and Sam Darnold seem to be Jekyll and Hyde this year.

Either they’ll be boss or absolutely pish.

There is no in-between.

After rattling us last weekend and confining me to a week of having their logo as my Facebook profile picture (cheers Gregor), the Jets had their third consecutive home game, against the Vikings.

And got utterly leathered.

Adam Thielen rattled off his seventh straight 100 yard game. The man is utterly sensational.

Kirk Cousins seems to have found his rhythm with the Vikes. The Vikings sent an apology to the Jets for getting in ahead of them to sign him in the offseason.

Minnesota Nice, indeed.

The Jets go to Chicago to face Da Bears, while the Vikings have the Saints in what is going to be a huge Sunday Night Football game.

Speaking of Minnesota Nice, the Vikings posted a Nice Tweets, where instead of reading Mean Tweets about themselves, the Vikings players read out really nice tweets instead.

Minnesota is just a lovely place, isn’t it?

Final Score: Jets 17, Vikings 37.

Indianapolis Colts v. Buffalo Bills
Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis, Indiana

Oh, this was so much fun.

I finally get to write about a Colts win at home this season. I’m relishing this one.

I make absolutely no apologies for being biased as all hell, but I’ve needed this kind of win so far this season.

The Colts were just absolutely boss on Sunday weren’t they? Andrew Luck throwing touchdowns for days. Remember when people were writing him off as done? Freezing Cold Takes for you.

Marlon Mack ran for over 100 yards, only the fourth time Andrew Luck has had a 100 yard rusher in his career with the Colts. And he was sensational.

We actually had a good rushing/passing balance. This feels weird. But it feels nice.

Vinatieri looked off with his groin bothering him, and missed two extra points. This was a strange one.

Darius Leonard is a contender for Defensive Rookie of The Year. He is leading the NFL in tackles this year.

…I don’t get to talk about Colts wins often so far this season, okay? Yes, I’m enjoying this.

The Bills were bad. Derek Anderson struggled with the system. LeSean McCoy went out with injury on the second play for the Bills.

But this was the 3^rd ranked defence in the league coming in.

And the Colts leathered them.

I’ll massively take it.

It’s a start. Hopefully we can build the momentum from here.

The Colts go to the Raiders next Sunday, where the Bills take on the Patriots.

This game was the 1044^th unique score in NFL history. Yep, we got Scorigami on this game.

(have a look @NFL_Scorigami. It’s great.)

Final Score: Colts 37, Bills 5.

Chicago Bears v. New England Patriots
Soldier Field, Chicago, Illinois

Khalil Mack was a doubt for this game, and we all sighed. 

The Patriots get all the breaks, don’t they?

Khalil Mack ended up playing in this game.

The Patriots were up for a long stretch of this one, even without Gronkowski, who didn’t travel to Chicago for the game, and apparently wasn’t ruled out until early Sunday, despite the fact that he was not in fact in the vicinity of Chicago.

NFL Inactives reporting is fun, isn’t it?

Trubisky put in a good effort, but an underthrown pass in the fourth quarter might have been the difference maker.

However, he got them within seven, and threw an amazing 

Hail Mary play needing 55 yards.

He got 54 of them.

The Patriots get all the breaks.

One yard short.

That sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

Next weekend the Bears welcome the Jets, whereas the Patriots get a bye week. They’re playing the Bills on Monday Night Football.

Seth Rollins hates football.

Final Score: Bears 31, Patriots 38.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers v. Cleveland Browns
Raymond James Stadium – the one with the Pirate Ship in the middle of the stadium, Tampa, Florida

Turns out it took me about three attempts to spell “Florida” on my original draft of this.

That accurately sums up this game.

The Browns and the Buccaneers took turns to absolutely clownball the living daylights out of each other.

Missed field goals, fumbles, Jameis Winston being absolutely terrible, and the Browns being the classic Cleveland Browns.

 
And then it went to overtime.

The Browns went to overtime.

FOR THE FOURTH TIME THIS SEASON.

We got down to the last two minutes of overtime, with the Browns’ second tie of the season looking likely. The Buccaneers are going for a field goal

Wait

You have two minutes and are on first down

Why the hell are you going for a field goal

What the hell are you doing Tampa

…you made it huh?

Never mind, eh.

Losing on a 59 yard field goal.

Because Browns.

The Browns head to the Days of Our Steelers next weekend, while the Buccaneers take on the Bengals.

Man, remember when people thought Ryan Fitzpatrick was going to be absolute gold this season?

Final Score: Buccaneers 26, Browns 23 (overtime).

Jacksonville Jaguars v. Houston Texans
Everbank…wait they changed the name?

Something Called a TIAA Field, Not London

Here lies the crushed remains of Sacksonville, 2017-2018.

That didn’t last, did it?

“You can’t spell Duvalll without LLL” – my friend Kay

The Jaguars were that bad this week, they lost to a Quarterback who took an eleven-hour bus journey from Houston to Jacksonville to avoid aggravating Watson’s injury. Apparently it should take almost 22 hours according to a quick Google search.

Did they take the express lane?

JJ Watt planned to take the bus back with him and drink some beers. Because JJ Watt drinks beers. Because Murica.

Blake Bortles got benched for…Cody KESSLER? 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

A Jacksonville fan punched a Houston fan and showed more accuracy than anyone else in a Jacksonville jersey on this day. He was rightfully arrested for being a fucking idiot. Don’t punch other fans, folks.

Speaking of fighting, the Jaguars players were almost fighting themselves in the locker room.

It’s easy to talk shit when you’re winning. Harder to do it when you’re losing.

Looking at you, Jalen Ramsay.

The Jaguars head to Wembley to “host” the Eagles, while the Texans meet the Dolphins on Thursday Night Football.

Boy, those Jacksonville Jaguars Super Bowl pre-season predictions not looking so hot right now, huh?

Final Score: Jaguars 7, Texans 20

Miami Dolphins v. Detroit Lions
Hard Rock Stadium, Miami, Florida

Brock Lobster, do do do do do do, Brock Lobster

Brocktober got off to a good start with Osweiler leading them to victory over the Bears in the injured Ryan Tannehill’s stead

And to be fair to him, he wasn’t that bad this game, going 21/32, and 2 TDs, 0 INTs.

And yet, the Dolphins lost to the Lions.

Despite the NFL Twitter account accidentally awarding the win to the Dolphins.

Turns out the Dolphins couldn’t stop the run, and that’s what cost them this week.

One of the Lions’ offensive guards, Ragnow, was recognised by Peter King as one of the offensive players of the week. Myself and Kyle were just talking about how offensive linemen get very little recognition unless they’re bad and the Quarterback’s on his backside, but here you go, that’s something.

The Dolphins face the Texans on Thursday Night Fitba next week, while the Lions take on the Seahawks.

Every week, there’s one 6pm game that seems to escape my notice. To be fair, I usually watch the Colts then RedZone, and try and keep up with the rest of the games on the Twitter dot com.

I guess this is that game this week.

So, yay, Lions?

Final Score: Dolphins 21, Lions 32

Baltimore Ravens v. New Orleans Saints
M&T Bank Stadium, Baltimore, Maryland

Justin Tucker missed an extra point for the first time in his career.

That sentence just seems surreal to me.

Drew Brees finally beat his 32^nd team in the NFL. And threw his 500^th touchdown pass in the process.

Can you say Hall of Fame?

The Saints are very much looking like a potential NFC Championship team, and knowing the love of having teams play the Super Bowl in rivals’ stadiums, and this year’s Super Bowl being in Atlanta, I could very much see Drew Brees playing his second Super Bowl with the Saints.

The Ravens meanwhile, are still there or there about, will push the playoffs but probably not do anything in them, and we’ll continue the “is Joe Flacco Elite” conversation until the end of time. Or until Lamar Jackson eventually replaces him under centre.

The Saints head to Minnesota for Sunday Night Football against the Vikings next week, while the Ravens head to Carolina to face the Panthers.

The Saints traded for Eli Apple, huh? Well then. Maybe cancel that Super Bowl trip, New Orleans.

Final Score: Ravens 23, Saints 24

The Washington D.C. Football Team v. Dallas Cowboys

Jason Garrett’s happy clapping ways continue to doom the Dallas Cowboys.

Dak Prescott wasn’t great here, missing a ton of throws. One throw he almost got was doomed by a no-call on Washington safety Deshazor Everett…who sounds like an advert for a razor.

Alex Smith made a huge error with forgetting to slide and instead getting himself pushed out of bounds, giving the Cowboys a chance to tie or win the game with a final drive.

The Cowboys got the ball for a 47 yard field goal try.

And then conceded a stupid five yard penalty.

And missed from 52 yards.

Chances are, he would have made it from 47.

God damn it, Cowboys.

Jason Garrett’s gonna suffer for that one, isn’t he? He’s surely gone at the end of the year.

The Washington D.C. Fitba Team heads to East Rutherford to face the Giants next weekend, while the Cowboys are on bye.

The Cowboys traded for Amari Cooper, huh? That was a good trade…let’s see how much they gave up…a first rounder, huh? Oh boy. That’s a lot to pay for him. I mean he’s good, but…first rounder worth good? I’m not sure about that one.

Jon Gruden traded Amari Cooper.

The Raiders have three first-rounders next year, huh? They’re really loading up for Vegas.

Final Score: Washingtons 20, Cowboys 17.

San Francisco 49ers v. Los Angeles Rams
Levi’s Stadium, Santa Clara, California

Oh, this should be a really fun game! It’s the Sunday Night Football game seeing Jared Goff’s Los Angeles Rams against Jimmy G and the San Fran…

Oh yeah, Garoppolo is out for the season.

And it’s been flexed back to a 9.25pm kickoff to allow Chiefs v Bengals to be the Sunday Night Football game.

This pretty much finished the way you’d expect it to without Jimmy G.

The Rams turned up and utterly leathered the Niners six ways from Sunday.

The Rams really look like a complete football team on offence, defence and special teams. The Niners…do not. To be fair, Beathard has been ok in a system-fit role, but he’s not Garoppolo and it’s not too dissimilar to the Colts and Brissett last year. He’ll give them a chance a lot of weeks, but on a week like this, he’ll struggle.

The undefeated Rams welcome Aaron Rodgers and the Packers off a bye next weekend to Los Angeles, while the Niners take on the Cardinals.

The 1972 Miami Dolphins’ annual piss-up will have to wait at least another week.

Final Score: 49ers 10, Rams 39.

Kansas City Chiefs v. Cincinnati Bengals
Arrowhead Stadium, Kansas City, Missouri

I tuned into this game for two reasons. To see a high-scoring shootout, and to see if Kareem Hunt would provide the miracle of 37 fantasy points to win me my game this week.

The first one did not happen. The high-scoring part happened on the behalf of the Chiefs.

It did not for the Bengals.

It was an absolute blowout, with the Chiefs dominating the Bengals from start to finish.

Patrick Mahomes is an absolute star. “Showtime Mahomes” as NBC insist on calling him every week, is absolutely on fire so far this year.

However, Kareem Hunt was scoring touchdowns for days. He scored two receiving touchdowns, and a running touchdown.

The miracle is coming in! It’s going to happen!

He needs just 3.5 points…the Chiefs are up by a mile…he only needs 35 yards…

And then Andy Reid fucking benches him for Spencer Ware late in the game.

I just needed three damn points.

The Chiefs face the Broncos next weekend at home, while the Bengals take on the Buccaneers.

I made my own “I Hate Fantasy Football” series on Twitter where I retweet people talking about how much they hate fantasy football.

I’ve made it twice in the last two weeks.

I was the second highest scorer in my main league last week, and the third highest this week.

I lost both games.

I hate fantasy football.

Final Score: Chiefs 45, Bengals 10.

Atlanta Falcons v. New York Giants
Mercedes Benz Stadium, Atlanta, Georgia, Home of Super Bowl LIII, which probably won’t feature either of these teams, to be honest

I didn’t see much of this game, admittedly, due to tuning into RAW after the Roman Reigns news.

Get well soon, Roman.

Also the Dean Ambrose heel turn, what the fuck…

Anyway, getting off track here.

The Falcons and the Giants battled on Monday Night Football to see who could still salvage something out of their season, and based on Kyle’s video, the Giants were the ones to come up short.

Time to embrace the tank, Giants. And hope Justin Herbert will be available for you when you draft early next season.

Also, statistically, the Giants going for 2 when down 20-12 was the right call (50% chance of winning if you get it and then kick the field goal, 25% chance if you miss it as you get another chance to go for 2). But it was still bold as anything.

Teams going for 2 seems like a real trend this year, huh?

The Giants take on Washington next weekend, while the Falcons go on bye.

Oh and just heard that Damon Harrison has been traded to Detroit. Farewell, Snacks. Man, the Giants really are burning it down now aren’t they?

Justin Herbert’ll look good in a Giants uni next year. Thanks for the memories, Eli.

Final Score: Falcons 23, Giants 20.

And that’ll do it for this week. I went 10-4 this week, while Kyle went 9-5, meaning I take a further point lead. I sit at 61-44-2, while Kyle is at 56-49-2. Very interesting stuff coming up.

A big congratulations to my brother Keith and my soon to be sister-in-law Hollie, who will be getting married this Saturday. I can’t wait to see you both this weekend, and wish you all the happiness in the world.

I’d like to end on a poignant note, something briefly not related to the NFL, as WWE Universal Champion Roman Reigns announced he is battling leukaemia. I’d like to wish Roman, or Joe to give him his real name, all the best in his fight, and know that he will be back in the WWE one day, doing what he does best.

Kick Cancer’s Arse, Big Dog.