NFL Conference Championships Review: By Kyle Balfour

So...there we have it. Our final two gladiators have been chosen for the final showdown: The Superbowl. So let's see how they emerged victorious as we cover the AFC & NFC Conference Championships.

AFC Game:
New England Patriots vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
Gillette Stadium, Foxborough, Massachusetts
Result: Patriots 24-20 Jaguars
Kyle Said: Patriots (1-0)
Stuart Said: Patriots (1-0)

...so close...so close...

All right, I'll give them their dues: the Jaguars played great. Some incredible defensive stops made this a very close knit game in a situation where many tipped them to roll over and die like a real life jaguar to a poacher. 

They didn't: they stepped up, their defence made plays, Tom Brady ate dirt far more than even he himself anticipated.

The downside for the Jaguars? Being both predictable in deploying Leonard Fournette for 1st and 2nd down runs that amounted to fuck all, and the unpredictable roulette wheel of chance known as Blake fucking Bortles utilising play action calls. To be fair, it's unprecedentedly random as to what will happen, but that's just it, isn't it? Sometimes it worked, other times it didn't. The ultimate futility of it is what undid the Jaguars. Their entire game was based around the run. The Patriots knew this, and snuffed Fournette at every opportunity. Then when the crap shoot of how Blake fucking Bortles will perform in a crucial 3rd down play action throw, you might as well be holding your breath the same way you would a Hail Mary...

Then all the Patriots had to do was go through the motions: Tom Brady made himself the glowing target many a defensive player chomps at the bit to get their hands on, distracting many from the easy slot pass to Danny Amendola/Rob Gronkowski (prior to that viscous helmet-to-helmet that sidelined him for the rest of the game. I wanna call that headhunting, cause it was a fucking beastly shot...), or watching Brandin Cooks torch the Jags cornerbacks.

And that's end-game: to be fair, Patriots win, but the Jaguars still held the Patriots to a 4 point game at home. A loss is a loss, but the fucking perpetual futility of the Jaguars has finally been snapped. They are no longer the forgotten team of the NFL - they are legitimate, and hopefully they can continue their success. For starters: get a real fucking quarterback...

Now the usual drinking game of the referees being paid off by the Patriots reared it's ugly head once again in this game, as the Jaguars made numerous play errors, including 2 counts of pass interference, which probably cost them the game as it's accounted for over 30 yards a call, setting the Patriots up for easy pickings. Now I'll admit that they were certainly soft calls, but upon closer inspection, it kills my soul to have to admit it, but it's the right calls. Inexperience (and possible arrogance from shit talking prior to the game - did you learn nothing from beating the Steelers?) was also the separation factor between these teams. That said, I definitely raise my eyebrow at the image of a referee celebrating a touchdown along with Patriots players...

Oh, yeah, and congratulations to Tony Romo for finally making it to the Conference Championship. You got there eventually, buddy.

NFC Game:
Philadelphia Eagles vs. Minnesota Vikings
Lincoln Financial Field, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Result: Eagles 35-7 Vikings
Kyle Said: Vikings (1-1)
Stuart Said: Eagles (2-0)

Ohhhhhhhh, lordy, lordy, where to even begin with this one...

Well, let's start with the Vikings: they got off to a strong start for all over like 5 minutes, then Case Keenum acted like he was still in St. Louis, got too trigger happy once again, threw a costly interception, and it was all downhill from there. The Eagles destroyed the Vikings in every sense. That no.1 rated Vikings defence was exposed, and the Eagles run game trampled all over, Nick Foles showed he finally found his momentum, lunging bomb after bomb after bomb to Alshon Jeffrey and Torey Smith. He even managed to fool the Vikings entirely by throwing slot passes to tight end Zack Ertz for easy 1st downs.

It's not even like the Vikings could respond either; that 2nd rated defence in the Eagles proved it actually deserved their title and snuffed the run for almost everything, so Keenum resorted to chucking everything out like he was Jared Goff, for fuck's sake. It was astounding. This cold, calm and collected gunslinger, making a serious case for league MVP, turned into a pumpkin and had nothing to answer for that Eagles defence. If there was anything to make Mike Zimmer need yet another eye surgery, it was this game...

It was utter clownball out there. It must be written in the stars, however, since Tomlin gleefully reminded me that when it comes to the Conference Championships: one will be great, and the other will just suck...and honestly, based on at least 2 years prior to this, he's correct: Packers and Falcons from last year was an incredible match (unless you're a Packers fan...), and the Steelers/Patriots game was pathetic; the Panthers/Cardinals game may be candidate for worst performance by a playoff team...and the Broncos upset over New England was great. Even going back further, it's still fairly accurate.

So the Minnesota Vikings completely failed to show up for this game, pissed away the miracle of the previous game against the Saints, and now the spoilt Eagles advance to their 3rd Superbowl...in Minneapolis...

'Least the Superbowl host curse is still prevalent, right?... 

God help us all...

So...here we are. Our Superbowl contestants have finally been revealed. All eyes will be on Minnesota (or the stadium, at least...) for the next 2 weeks or so, as we anticipate the Superbowl buildup in time for February 4th.

Oh yeah, and former Vikings OC Pat Shurmur is the Giants new head coach. I saw your offence out there...it sucked; and your win record when you were the head coach of the Browns 7 years ago does not impress me...god, the Giants are fucked.

See you for the big game!

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