Tennessee Titans Retroactive Season Preview with Keira Tucker
The initial plan for this was to post these before the season, but life kinda got in the way. Therefore, I'm gonna post the ones I got retroactively through the season.
By high demand, Keira Tucker for the Tennessee Titans was the one most requested, so we start here. Follow her on Twitter. @HavingChips4Tea
Interview conducted August 8th, 2019
Describe how last season went for you?
Keira: Well we finished 9-7 which is technically a pass! That's pretty sweet if you ask me. Though we lost the last game of the season to some holed U team in Nashville that fucked everything up. Whatever happened to them? It's not important. We finished ahead of the London-In-A-Few-Years Jaguars so that's cool.
What's your thoughts on your Draft and Free Agency?
Keira: I'm not really into conscription, so the draft seems like something that should've died in Vietnam. In the "select university kids so they can get head injuries and forget all their education selection festival" we picked up a big fat guy named Simmons. I hope his workout videos are better than that Richard guy's. There's a WR named Brown that I'm sure isn't going to be a headache (I hear there's precedent elsewhere), a Hooker, and a literal OG. That's pretty badass.
The free agency transfer window. Oof. We got this guy named Tannehill from the helmeted porpoises, hopefully he gives more of a fuck in the land of country music. Some other guys with amazing hair were signed too. I just hope the financial fair play is still active.
What's your opinion on your starting Quarterback?
Keira: Oh god if I write about him he may get injured again. I think the tanned hill may be a starting Quarterback by the time this gets posted so I'm not holding my breath. I think I read somewhere the Mariota guy got sacked 11 times in 1 game? I've been sacked once and it took several years for my company to get rid of me. Maybe he can claim mis-sold PPI if things go from bad to worse?
And who's your most important non-Quarterback?
Keira: Dolly Parton seems to be a pretty important fan. Let's go with her. I don't know... whoever has the longest wikipedia page who isn't a Quarterback.
What's your thoughts on your Head Coach? Right man for the job?
Keira: Vrabel? I think I caught Vrabel once in Benidorm. Nasty stuff. I guess the coach is okay. Given the right creams I'm sure things will work out. Is the coach right for the job? I guess so? I mean his name is on the door to the office so there's no confusion there.
Favourite memory from your club?
Keira: Probably that you can't spell Titans without "TITS"
Why should anyone new to the NFL support your team?
Keira: You like country music and mediocrity? You're from the area? The team was the Houston Oilers who moved to Tennessee where there is no oil. Now they're the Tennessee Titans where there are no titans. It's a shambles.
Name one player from another club you'd love to have at your club.
Keira: David Luiz? At the time of writing he could be off to Arsenal. How is that team having such a good transfer windo- oh wait, I'm getting a whisper... shit wrong football. Um, I guess that grandson of Sherlock Holmes out in Missouri, which is somehow called Kansas City... which isn't in Kansas. Guy has some sweet hair. I swear I'm not picking based on hair.
And name a club legend you'd have back in their prime?
Keira: When the Moon hits your eye like a...aw crap Mariota is injured again. Suit up Warren, you're probably less fragile at...*looks up Wikipedia*...62. Or that Blanda guy. Milquetoast name, but dig him up and he can probably kick better than that suck-up guy.
Who's the worst player you've ever seen put on your club's jersey?
Keira: Tim McGraw. I'm a player hater. He's the worst.
What's your thoughts on your division?
Keira: I was pretty good when it came to division in school. I'd say it was trigonometry that gave me more fits. There's the star-eyed horny things (basically a euphemism for Tinder matches) that have JJ Electricity and that's it. The holed-Us will be tough, if their Luck holds up. The angry cats have bigger issues than football. Like why the fuck the cat's tongue is blue. Seriously. It's bothering me. U's probably win the table, followed by TEN FUCKING TITANS settling for Europa, the not-Oilers but where the Oilers used to be confusion, and weird Jackson Five relegated.
Give us predictions for your club this season. What will your record be, will you make the playoffs and how far will you go?
Keira: Well there will be 16 matches. Hopefully more. That's a prediction I'm going to stake my reputation on. But for wins and losses? 9-7 again seems safe? I think? Maybe wild cards and then everything's off the table. Probably lose to the pointed V heads from Boston? Or worse: the city where the river catches on fire. Oh my god can you imagine the riots in Cleveland if they win the bowl that isn't a bowl but a weird statue?
Who'll be playing in Super Bowl LIV, and who will win it?
Keira: Well I hope they're all LIVing, otherwise it could get really awkward in a hurry. Let's go with the Actually-In-Missouri Cultural Appropriations against the New Orleans Seculars. Cultural Appropriations win it.
Tell us your favourite random NFL fact.
Keira: Former NFL player James Brooks was found to be illiterate when he was unable to read court documents after admitting to not paying over $100k in child support. When the judge asked how he graduated from Auburn without being able to read, he said, “Didn’t have to go to to class.” Which says more about the state of education in the state of Alabama, but I digress.
Is this a make or break season for Marcus Mariota?
Keira: I mean, statistically he's going to break something, so yeah.
One game out from the playoffs last year. Aside from the obvious "win games and the division", what do the Titans need to do to make it back to the postseason?
Keira: Find God and make peace with it? Hope for a debilitating plague to strike the league's players and not the hill people in Tennessee? Not contract Vrabel (or at least wear protection)? The stars need to line up for this awful team, but at least there will be plenty of twangy accents yelling at players who would rather be anywhere else.
Anything else you'd like to promote?
Keira: Please visit and donate to the Ricky Ponting Foundation! Cricketer Ricky Ponting established the Foundation in 2008 "to provide funding for a wide range of essential services that comfort and nurture young Australians with cancer while providing emotional support and financial assistance for their family." It's a great charity that I've been a part of for years.
pontingfoundation.com.au
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A big thank you to Keira for her input!
The rest of the interviews I did will be up throughout the course of the season. Life got in the way a bit so prioritised that so gonna find time when I can.
Thanks and as always, Go Colts,
Stuart
By high demand, Keira Tucker for the Tennessee Titans was the one most requested, so we start here. Follow her on Twitter. @HavingChips4Tea
Interview conducted August 8th, 2019
Describe how last season went for you?
Keira: Well we finished 9-7 which is technically a pass! That's pretty sweet if you ask me. Though we lost the last game of the season to some holed U team in Nashville that fucked everything up. Whatever happened to them? It's not important. We finished ahead of the London-In-A-Few-Years Jaguars so that's cool.
What's your thoughts on your Draft and Free Agency?
Keira: I'm not really into conscription, so the draft seems like something that should've died in Vietnam. In the "select university kids so they can get head injuries and forget all their education selection festival" we picked up a big fat guy named Simmons. I hope his workout videos are better than that Richard guy's. There's a WR named Brown that I'm sure isn't going to be a headache (I hear there's precedent elsewhere), a Hooker, and a literal OG. That's pretty badass.
The free agency transfer window. Oof. We got this guy named Tannehill from the helmeted porpoises, hopefully he gives more of a fuck in the land of country music. Some other guys with amazing hair were signed too. I just hope the financial fair play is still active.
What's your opinion on your starting Quarterback?
Keira: Oh god if I write about him he may get injured again. I think the tanned hill may be a starting Quarterback by the time this gets posted so I'm not holding my breath. I think I read somewhere the Mariota guy got sacked 11 times in 1 game? I've been sacked once and it took several years for my company to get rid of me. Maybe he can claim mis-sold PPI if things go from bad to worse?
And who's your most important non-Quarterback?
Keira: Dolly Parton seems to be a pretty important fan. Let's go with her. I don't know... whoever has the longest wikipedia page who isn't a Quarterback.
What's your thoughts on your Head Coach? Right man for the job?
Keira: Vrabel? I think I caught Vrabel once in Benidorm. Nasty stuff. I guess the coach is okay. Given the right creams I'm sure things will work out. Is the coach right for the job? I guess so? I mean his name is on the door to the office so there's no confusion there.
Favourite memory from your club?
Keira: Probably that you can't spell Titans without "TITS"
Why should anyone new to the NFL support your team?
Keira: You like country music and mediocrity? You're from the area? The team was the Houston Oilers who moved to Tennessee where there is no oil. Now they're the Tennessee Titans where there are no titans. It's a shambles.
Name one player from another club you'd love to have at your club.
Keira: David Luiz? At the time of writing he could be off to Arsenal. How is that team having such a good transfer windo- oh wait, I'm getting a whisper... shit wrong football. Um, I guess that grandson of Sherlock Holmes out in Missouri, which is somehow called Kansas City... which isn't in Kansas. Guy has some sweet hair. I swear I'm not picking based on hair.
And name a club legend you'd have back in their prime?
Keira: When the Moon hits your eye like a...aw crap Mariota is injured again. Suit up Warren, you're probably less fragile at...*looks up Wikipedia*...62. Or that Blanda guy. Milquetoast name, but dig him up and he can probably kick better than that suck-up guy.
Who's the worst player you've ever seen put on your club's jersey?
Keira: Tim McGraw. I'm a player hater. He's the worst.
What's your thoughts on your division?
Keira: I was pretty good when it came to division in school. I'd say it was trigonometry that gave me more fits. There's the star-eyed horny things (basically a euphemism for Tinder matches) that have JJ Electricity and that's it. The holed-Us will be tough, if their Luck holds up. The angry cats have bigger issues than football. Like why the fuck the cat's tongue is blue. Seriously. It's bothering me. U's probably win the table, followed by TEN FUCKING TITANS settling for Europa, the not-Oilers but where the Oilers used to be confusion, and weird Jackson Five relegated.
Give us predictions for your club this season. What will your record be, will you make the playoffs and how far will you go?
Keira: Well there will be 16 matches. Hopefully more. That's a prediction I'm going to stake my reputation on. But for wins and losses? 9-7 again seems safe? I think? Maybe wild cards and then everything's off the table. Probably lose to the pointed V heads from Boston? Or worse: the city where the river catches on fire. Oh my god can you imagine the riots in Cleveland if they win the bowl that isn't a bowl but a weird statue?
Who'll be playing in Super Bowl LIV, and who will win it?
Keira: Well I hope they're all LIVing, otherwise it could get really awkward in a hurry. Let's go with the Actually-In-Missouri Cultural Appropriations against the New Orleans Seculars. Cultural Appropriations win it.
Tell us your favourite random NFL fact.
Keira: Former NFL player James Brooks was found to be illiterate when he was unable to read court documents after admitting to not paying over $100k in child support. When the judge asked how he graduated from Auburn without being able to read, he said, “Didn’t have to go to to class.” Which says more about the state of education in the state of Alabama, but I digress.
Is this a make or break season for Marcus Mariota?
Keira: I mean, statistically he's going to break something, so yeah.
One game out from the playoffs last year. Aside from the obvious "win games and the division", what do the Titans need to do to make it back to the postseason?
Keira: Find God and make peace with it? Hope for a debilitating plague to strike the league's players and not the hill people in Tennessee? Not contract Vrabel (or at least wear protection)? The stars need to line up for this awful team, but at least there will be plenty of twangy accents yelling at players who would rather be anywhere else.
Anything else you'd like to promote?
Keira: Please visit and donate to the Ricky Ponting Foundation! Cricketer Ricky Ponting established the Foundation in 2008 "to provide funding for a wide range of essential services that comfort and nurture young Australians with cancer while providing emotional support and financial assistance for their family." It's a great charity that I've been a part of for years.
pontingfoundation.com.au
----------
A big thank you to Keira for her input!
The rest of the interviews I did will be up throughout the course of the season. Life got in the way a bit so prioritised that so gonna find time when I can.
Thanks and as always, Go Colts,
Stuart
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