Super Bowl LIII Coverage: The Comprehensive and Not At All Last Minute Guide to Super Bowl LIII, featuring the fans predictions:

By Stuart Tomlin

Catchy name, huh?

I think if this whole gimmick doesn’t work out, I might try my hand at naming music albums.

At time of writing, 23.07 on Saturday the 2^nd of February 2019, it’s the Super Bowl tomorrow. I can’t remember a Super Bowl that I’m going into with such apathy. However, it might end up being a decent game, I guess. There’s always the food and the commercials, if nothing else.

This guide is your handy wee guide on everything 

Super Bowl, the teams, the venue, the commercials, all of it. Well, as much of it as I can remember in one sitting.

Shall we get to it?

THE PLAYOFFS:

“We ready…we ready…We ready…for y’all”

Seriously, how boss was that advert?

For the first time in four years, I actually had a vested interest in the playoffs, as the Indianapolis Colts opened the playoffs this year in the Wildcard Round against the Houston Texans, and of course, it was a one-sided beatdown that was an utter joy to behold for me. The Colts comfortably beat the Texans to send them to the sideline. The Cowboys defeated the Seahawks to give them their first playoff win in a few years and put them in the Wildcard Round. The Chargers beat the Ravens as Lamar Jackson firstly stumbled in the playoffs then gave the Ravens hope, but the Chargers held on to keep the Ringed Rivers dream alive. Double Doink ended the Bears’ hopes, but at least everyone had fun and tried their best and that’s what’s really important. Seth Rollins hates everything, including football, but at least he won the Royal Rumble.

Our dreams ended in the Divisional Round at the hands of the Chiefs. Patrick Mahomes is just too good right now. Next year. 1-0 next week. Well, September Week 1. 1-0. Hell of a season though, and it was great looking forward to football every week again. The Rams put the Cowboys out in the Divisional to set up a potential hosting job for the NFC Championship. Good season for the Cowboys, though. The Patriots absolutely leathered the Chargers and it wasn’t even closed. Ringless Rivers continues. I don’t think he’ll ever have a better chance than this to go to a Super Bowl. I don’t think he’ll ever get there now. (CC: @OldTakesExposed). The weekend ended with the end of the Big Dick Nick meme, for now at least, as the Super Bowl Champion Philadelphia Eagles’ title defence ended at the Superdome and the Saints.

The NFC Championship saw the meeting of the Saints and the Rams, and the game went down to the wire…until the ridiculous Refball cost the Saints a first down on a no-call pass interference, which likely would have won them the game and a trip to the Super Bowl. The Rams then picked off Drew Brees in overtime, and sealed their place in the Super Bowl with a Greg Zuerlein kick sending them to Atlanta. And Falcons fans everywhere rejoiced.

I’m sure Rams fans were kinda sorta happy too.

As for the AFC Championship, the Kansas City Chiefs aimed to win the trophy named for their legendary owner, Lamar Hunt, for the very first time. Mad to think they won Super Bowl II and haven’t been back since the AFL-NFL Merger, and the AFC Championship game came into existence. This was the first time the game was held in Arrowhead. Their opponent was the New England Patriots, because of fucking course it was. A good close game that went to overtime, unfortunately for football fans everywhere, Mahomes did not get a chance in overtime, because Brady methodically lead the Pats to a touchdown drive…and that was that. Pats in the Super Bowl again. Regardless of that, that rule needs to change. Both teams should possess the ball in overtime, no matter what.

So that was the playoffs…now, let’s meet the AFC Champions.

THE AFC CHAMPIONS: THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS

Sighhhh….again? Really? FFS…

The Patriots are in their third successive Super Bowl, and honestly, it’s kinda boring at this point. If they win it, it’s just another trophy to them. I’d be happy for my Patriots supporting brother and Gentleman’s League lads Mike and Ewan, but that’s about it. If they lose, then Tom Brady ties Jim Kelly of the Bills for the Super Bowl loss record, and that’d be kinda funny to be honest.

Highlights of their regular season featured the Miami Miracle, where Gronk proved why he isn’t a linebacker in hilarious fashion, There was the time they beat us on Thursday Night Football where our roster pretty much resembled Andrew Luck plus cheesestrings, sticky tape, and Eric Ebron (not a knock on Ebron, he was boss, 13 TDs this year. Just saying. Luck and Ebron can’t do it alone. Although they tried.) And some other games. To be honest, the Patriots in the regular season is kinda dull to follow. It’s the same ol’ same ol’. They get spotted five games in the AFC East, and somehow lose in Miami every year, because reasons. The Patriots went 11-5 and topped the AFC East, taking the second seed in the AFC.

Can’t deny that Tom Brady is bloody difficult in January though. There’s arguably no one better in playoff football than Brady and the Patriots. They whomped the Chargers, and then pulled it off against the Chiefs in Arrowhead, and once again, we’re watching the Patriots in the Super Bowl.

This won’t be Brady’s last game, and it may not be his last Super Bowl. We’ll see on the latter. AFC needs to step up. Mahomes, Rivers, Luck…over to you.

However it might be Gronk’s. Gronkowski is starting to age and injure more and more every year, and he might look to acting or the WWE. He flattened future WWE Champion Jinder Mahal on the WrestleMania 33 Kickoff Show in 2017. That seems a long, long time ago now, doesn’t it? Anyway, this could well be his last game.

A particular nod to the offensive line of the Pats that has been outstanding, especially in the playoffs.

I wonder if Julian Edelman’ll get back on Tinder if the Patriots win this game again?

We’ve gotta stop writing them off every year. It happens every year, and every year, we end up right back here with them making at least the AFC Championship. Four Super Bowls in five years is impressive, no matter who you are. Gotta hand them that.

Stop trying to present yourself as underdogs, though. You can’t be a dynasty and underdogs. It’s just not a thing.

It’s Brady’s ninth Super Bowl, and Belichick’s thirteenth.

You’re not underdogs.

Now, let’s meet the NFC Champions…

THE NFC CHAMPIONS LOS ANGELES RAMS

I’m not gonna lie, I’m not entirely enthused about this one, either.

Did you know that Sean McVay is the youngest coach to ever coach in the Super Bowl?

Did you know Sean McVay is 33?

Did you know he is a year older than me?

Jesus fucking wept.

Anyway, the highlights of the Rams regular season included that game with all of the points that ever existed between them and the Chiefs, the 54-51 game that was originally in Mexico but got moved to the United States. The Rams went 13-3 in the regular season, tying the Saints for the best record in the NFC, but losing out to them as they lost to the Saints in the regular season. They’d make up for that one and then some. Mad to think that two years ago they were being managed by Jeff Fisher to a 4-12 record and Jared Goff looked utterly horrendous, and now, they’ve got the youngest head coach in the league managing them to a Super Bowl.

In the playoffs, the Rams first saw off the Cowboys, delighting America in the best possible way an NFC team can do in the playoffs in lieu of beating the Patriots – which they’ll get their chance to do, Sunday, - and then beat the Saints, delighting Atlanta Falcons fans everywhere and making sure they didn’t have to sit through the worst possible Super Bowl of Saints v Patriots. Saints v Patriots in Atlanta. A hated divisional rival against the team who put the biggest comeback in Super Bowl history on you. Ooft. Bet you’re thankful for the Rams. Or the refs. Your milage may vary.

Aaron Donald was named Defensive Player of the Year and is my current tip for MVP should the Rams win the game. He’s utterly unreal and completely deserved the nod for DPOY.

Meanwhile, Jared Goff is looking a lot less like a bust and looking more and more like the player that the Rams gave up a King’s Ransom to the Titans for. Todd Gurley has been shaky in the playoffs but good in the regular season, and is currently in a timeshare with CJ Anderson, who’s played for three teams this year: the Panthers, a brief stint with the Goddamn Raiders, and now he could be on the verge of winning a Super Bowl ring for the second time.

Ndamukong Suh hasn’t stood on anyone’s groin this year, and he’s in the Super Bowl. How about that. 

There’s still time…

please be brady please be brady please be brady

Will Jared Goff join Eli Manning, Eli Manning and Nick Foles in the Hall of Beating the Patriots in the Super Bowl?

We’ll see Sunday.

And now, the other bits and pieces surrounding the game, starting with:

THE VENUE: MERCEDES-BENZ STADIUM, ATLANTA, GEORGIA

I almost called it the Mercedes-Benz Superdome, which is of course home to the New Orleans Saints. Man, Mercedes-Benz sponsor two NFL Stadiums, and they belong to Divisional Rivals. That could be awkward for them in sponsorship meetings, huh?

Anyway, the Atlanta version of the Mercedes Benz sponsored stadium is an absolute beauty, replacing the Georgia Dome, which closed after hosting the NFC Championship win of the Falcons that sent them to Super Bowl LI two years ago against the Packers.

This IS the first playoff game that the Mercedes-Benz Stadium will host, as the Falcons were a Wildcard Team in 2017, and missed the playoffs this time around. The Curse of the Super Bowl Hosts hit them hard, losing Davonte Freeman and most of their defensive talent. Reckon the Falcons will be back to normal next year, I mean they were a Super Bowl team two years ago and have a lot of talent. The Curse is moving on to Miami anyway, next year.

I like Super Bowls in Miami. The Colts usually qualify for them.

The Mercedes-Benz Stadium is notable for having a Chick-Fil-A that doesn’t open on Sundays. This won’t change for Super Bowl Sunday. Apparently the owners are devoted Christians and don’t believe in working on Sundays. Fair enough, but why have a outlet in a stadium that belongs to a team that mainly play on Sundays?

Other food options are available, I guess.

Speaking of which...

THE FOOD:

Pizza, wings, dip, snacks, BBQ. It’s all good. Today is not a good day to be on a diet. Thankfully, that for me, starts after the Super Bowl.

Lovely stuff.

THE HALFTIME SHOW: MAROON FIVE

Ehhhh…”She Will Be Loved” is a decent song, but…ehhh.

Hope they play Spongebob’s Sweet Victory. That’s the only thing I’m looking for, here.

Travis Scott and Big Boi will also feature.

Big Boi made to the Super Bowl before the Houston Texans.

That’s kinda funny.

I don’t see it knocking Prince off the top spot of best half-time shows ever, to be honest. Hell, doubt it’ll match Lady Gaga or Katy Perry and Left Shark, to give it its proper name.

Remember the times when The Who, Bruce Springsteen, Paul McCartney did the halftime show? That was cool.

THE ALTERNATIVE HALF-TIME SHOW: WWE HALFTIME HEAT

For those of us of a wrestling persuasion, the WWE are showing Halftime Heat on the WWE Network, featuring a six-man tag team match between NXT Champion Tommaso Ciampa, Johnny Gargano and Adam Cole up against Velveteen Dream, Ricochet and Aleister Black. It’s being shown live as an Empty Arena Match from the WWE Performance Centre in Orlando, Florida.

Honestly, this sounds like the better option.

THE JERSEYS:

The Los Angeles Rams, as this year’s home team, will wear their blue and yellow throwbacks for the Super Bowl. The New England Patriots will wear the white jerseys that they have worn in the last three Super Bowls. The Rams won Super Bowl XXXIV in their blue and yellow, while the Patriots are 3-2 in their white jerseys, winning Super Bowls XXIX, XLIX and LI. Interesting, in their last meeting on this stage, the jerseys were reversed…

PREVIOUS MEETING: SUPER BOWL XXXVI: New England Patriots v. St Louis Rams

The Patriots wore blue and the Rams wore white for this game, held, ironically enough, in the Superdome in New Orleans. Known as the game where the Patriots dynasty began, Adam Vinatieri kicked the game winning field goal for the Patriots to give them their first ever ring. This game was also held on February 3^rd, 2002, the halftime show was U2. Interestingly enough, Janet Jackson was the original choice, however she withdrew to allow U2 to honour 9/11, which occurred the previous September. Janet Jackson would perform in the Super Bowl halftime show two years later, which of course, was the Justin Timberlake incident.

The Patriots requested to be introduced as a full team for this game, a tradition that has continued ever since with both teams. The Rams offensive starters were introduced, and Belichick was asked whether he wanted the offence or defence announced, and he chose neither, wanting the team to be introduced in a sign of unity. The NFL initially refused this but relented and the Patriots entered as a team, and the tradition stuck and has been continued for both teams ever since.

The Quarterback for the Rams that day was Kurt Warner (who I’ve since met, and he was a really lovely guy), and the Head Coach was Mike Martz. The Rams’ entire team, head coach, Quarterback and even the city they play in has changed since then.

Tom Brady and Bill Belichick are the only two active still from that year’s Super Bowl.

The Patriots won this 20-17.

THE COMMERCIALS:

The cost of a 30-second Super Bowl commercial is $5.25million. Here, do you think we could have a late whip-round and host a 30 second commercial telling Donald Trump to fuck off?

I’m hoping for a Game of Thrones first trailer, not gonna lie. Looking forward to seeing the Avengers Endgame Adverts, too.

THE TELEVISION NETWORK:

This year, as is the three year rotation with NBC and FOX, means the game will be on CBS. This unfortunately means that we won’t have the awesome narrated intros that FOX do every three years (next year though, can’t wait to see the Colts and Andrew Luck one), but it thankfully DOES Mean that the commentary team will be Jim Nantz and Tony Romo.

Praise Jebus.

Hey, Tony Romo finally made it to the Super Bowl!

THE FANS VIEW:

I took to social media earlier this week to ask a few opinions on the game, and I got some fantastic responses. In no particular order:

Jorge, Tampa, Florida, @george3796: Unfortunately the Patriots will probably win again final 31-24

Kirstin Herzog, Germany, @KirstinHerzog1 - Patriots and Rams - after how the Championship games went down, there are a number of people who aren't excited for this year's NFL main event. Some fear the next SB for the Cheatriots, others fear the Rams may become the next unsufferable thing. In the fourth quarter, a double INT combo at the standing of 21-21 causes the neutral viewer to despair. Just when the excitement level hits a new low, music hits and a third team enters the fray! It's a XFL franchise: The St. Louis Avengers! They cash in their Money in the Bowl contract and curb stomp both teams. Then they score 4 TDS in a row without the others team being able to defend. The Avengers are declared your new NFL World Champions and all of Atlanta and beyond rejoice!!! But the evil Emperor doesn't give in. He calls Goddell and they come up with a hideous plan. Conjuring black magic they make the audience forget the game and ask Hollywood to re-film the SB. Alas, Hollywood sides with the Rams and so they send the NFL the version in which Goff leads his team to victory by bringing them into FG position. Rams win 24-21 Goddell is appeased (because frankly he doesn't care) but the evil empire vows to strike back.... 21 - 24 (Rams victory)

Blair Thomson, Aberdeen @blair_h_thomson : As a Patriots fan of 34 years the prospect of another Super Bowl is amazing. There’s no doubt we’ve been spoilt. Could this be the end... Brady to go out in a blaze of glory? I think so... between Michel and White the running and screen game is excellent. Edelman well he’s just iron man. And the key factor... turnovers... Belichick to look at keeping Gurley (if he’s even a factor) and Cooks quiet. I’m going Patriots 33 Rams 27

Tom Chappell, Sheffield, @T_Chappers1997 : Well well well, Tom Brady did it again. No I’m not bitter that our biggest competitive rivals aren’t in a mess and that we threw away our shot at a superbowl before the playoffs even started. God damnit Boswell. No, infact I’m quite positive that this year’s affair will be just as entertaining as the trials and tribulations of Big Dick Nick was last year. Next year Tomlin, next year... LA 38-24 Pats

O’Shea Hall, Indianapolis, Indiana, @Halloshea: My name is O’Shea hall and I’m from Indianapolis Indiana my twitter is @Halloshea. It will be a record-breaking game, I think the game will be 30-21 patriots

Elijah Toohill, Murrieta, California @ColtsNation87: I say the pats take it again, Mostly because they lost last year and I honestly don’t think Goff will be able to keep up. I agree with @george3796 pats win 31-24

@TheColtsBrew: Patriots 31 - Rams 24

James, Sandbach @heebjeebus, score prediction Rams 17 Pats 28

I like the way the rams play a lot, but I think they'd struggle against the pats what with Brady not being allowed to be touched and everything. I want the Rams to win, I like their df, they have a quality rb and qb, but because I want them to win, they won't. It's as simple as that.

Keira FUCKING Tucker; Manchester, UK, @HavingChips4Tea:

V-heads and Spirals. Fuck me if ISIS wanted to win a football game they could have their shot and I doubt the flyover states would give a fuck. It's old vs young with the hoodie guy and Gretchen's husband against the guy Ten FUCKING Titans gave up a pick for and for fuck all. Oh, and a coach people find attractive. I don't see it, as he looks like your average punter on Bondi Beach with a super-long lens. Right, you want football. The Polish guy who is like a frat boy seems cool enough despite his body being more battered than Bolton Wanderers after a night on the piss. Youth can win it a bunch later, and fuck Goff he could be a TEN FUCKING TITAN if we didn't trade for fuck all. V-heads win 31-17. Defence wins championships and the Spirals have none of that.

Charlie Baker, @2405BakerStreet, Dudley, England, occasionally Green Bay, Wisconsin: In 1993, Phil Connors was cursed to live February 2nd again and again and again. Seemingly trapped forever in this nightmarish world of the same actions taking place eternally and without any escape from living the same day forever. Twenty-six years and a day later, the entire NFL world wakes up to the same nightmare. Once again, the New England Patriots are playing in the Super Bowl. They’ve been at the big dance perpetually for the last twenty years, time seemingly standing still. On the other hand, the blood-stained battlefield that is the NFC remains as gloriously random as ever. Since 2007, eleven of the sixteen NFC franchises have played in a Super Bowl. Actual, working parity. Incredible to think that names such as Brees, Rodgers, Ryan, Newton or Kaepernick have only graced one game apiece with their presence. This isn’t just a game to fawn over signal callers though, this shall all be won or lost by the most underrated offensive line in the league this season. Wade Phillips’ defences have caused New England playoff problems before, even once being strong enough to will the corpse that was once Peyton Manning to his “last rodeo”. Bob Sutton has since paid for his mistakes in the AFC championship game with his job. On only one play during the Pats’ final two drives combined did the Chiefs send more than four players after Brady. The Rams have got to dial up some pressure, and they very much have the pieces to do so. You can’t imagine Phillips will go down without trying. The incendiary Rams offence of the Autumn has slowed down, with the curious omission of Todd Gurley still causing headaches. It was still strong enough to see them through this far, all talk of missed calls aside and hopefully put to bed. This all could get very interesting, although I know that the whole Young Coach/Old Coach narrative is going to start to grind before the game has even kicked off. It’s either the young, fun Rams can break the eternal monotony, or the callous, efficient Patriots keep the NFL under their trap, ready to repeat it all over again next year. And the next year, and the next year, and the next year… Rams 23 Patriots 30

Peter Wood, Beechy, Dundee: Superbowl Prediction, Patriots 31-30 Rams out to an early lead, but the Patriots wait until they can work the clock in the 4th with a field goal steal. I'd love to see the Rams win, I love that team and all the talent they have, but Bill Belichick losing back to back Superbowl? I just can't take that bet. Insta @pwoody1987

A big thank you to everyone that took part in this!

MY PREDICTION:

Time for some epic jinxing, I believe.

Can’t see past the Patriots for this one, to be honest. Hate to say it but I don’t think the Rams have that X-Factor like the Eagles did. If the Rams are gonna win this, they need to get their running game going behind Gurley and CJ Anderson, they need to have Aaron Donald absolutely wreck the game and while he is entirely capable of that, I think the Patriots offensive line is too strong and will allow Brady to work his magic.

I reckon it’ll be closer than a lot of people think, but I’m gonna take the Patriots to win. 33-27. Jared Goff has a chance with the ball at the very end, but the Pats defence does enough and holds him off, and the Patriots give Brady his sixth ring, and he Thanos’ the fucking lot of us.

And then we’re all back to 0-0 in time for September.

Is it September yet?

It’s 1.04am.

It’s Super Bowl Sunday.

For Sunday, Go Rams I guess?

Beyond that, as always,

Go Colts.